What I see now:
- A corkboard with inspirational messages, a little bare because it is so big.
- Delicious Cran-Strawberry juice.
- Wipes for my hands.
- A t-rex glass.
- Mixed Berry fruit bars.
- A statuette of a fairy with ballet slippers and a little crown, very cartoon like looking up at the sky happy/vain.
- A big purple candle with Mary on it (No i am not suddenly a religious fanatic) (the candle was just pretty)(...from Walmart ok :P)
- A Starwars watch that flips itself over (muy coolcool) one side Princess Lea the other side Jar Jar that I got in my stocking for Xmas and it is from Burger King.
- Dental Insurance cards.
- Twistables-the smoothest crayons ever.
- A keyboard specially for playing AOE3 (Age of Empires 3)
- Notebooks for school and a million and one syllabuses.
- A white plastic and wire christmas tree with multicolored christmas tree balls.
- A massive plastic snow globe with two stuffed penguins and a stuffed snowman.
- Laundry
- Busbook
- Nijntje One day at a time calender.
Before.
Long Christmas break, but then hey it all ran into another without having school last semester. I spent it at Ted's family's house and it went well. His family is great. Especially his younger brother. He's a 10 year old but its like talking Shyam or something. I could have pretty intellectual conversations with him and he reminded me also of who I was when I was a kid.
New Years spent playing games and watching the Ball drop in Times square on TV here in La Palma (California).
Interlude about the Supergenius.
Ted, my boyfriend for all of you who don't know yet, is being wonderful as usual, even through all the shit I have to/am putting myself through. I don't really know how he does it. He is, as the title suggests a supergenius. There are very little logicisms and facets of life that he hasn't harmoniously incorporated into his philosophy of life. He is as he has called himself, quietly confident. In my past it has been very uncool to talk about boyfriends in my blog. It is a sign of one of my bigger problems, but I am learning to be proud of the man who cares about me, and who I love a lot. I am slowly learning how to be a better girlfriend, but there are many obstacles.
Back to Blahblah.
After that we went to Amsterdam. Met my parents. Its like going back in time as an ever changing me, but this time a little more aware of how my surroundings really are and how I really want to be and what I really want. But hey its the 20something I'm trying to find myself. That line that ever perplexed me as a teenager, now instills some sense of pride, even though I'm putting up the biggest fight of all to withstand the ever dawning realities of becoming an adult. And that said, I still have no real concept of having a job, handling money, or sustainably having a household. There is so much shit next to that you can't believe.
School, an institution i've been part of for the past 13 years of my life has suddenly become .... yes here it comes my dearly spoiled friends **********!!!******* my responsability. I was probably the most spoiled out of all of you, because my parents, and mostly my mom did literally all the beaurocratic (and life long affecting decisions making) work for me (parts of which I am definitely not complaining about). But now I'm stuck here in a puddle of, wow...did I really do all of this already. How the hell did so much time pass by without me noticing. How th hell did I hurt those people, how did I get along. I mean the past is the past you know, its like I was ever changing then and it was all relative to the influences and my level of awareness, so all I can do is better myself. I am so reluctant to. Ever the child who wants to stare at the clouds and let the world pass by. There are so many realities I turn a blind eye to.
I go to a community college now. And as yasi said she wanted to be with the proletariat, I am most definitely with the proletariat. I am with the dumb kids poor or rich, who just didn't make it. The people in my class mostly sound like that skater guy in the movie Clueless. Which was also of course also set in Beverly Hills (not too far from where I am living). I have never met so many people before who I could blatantly call stupid. I had so much hope for the human race you know, what with all these people I have to interact with to get along everyday. But no, my classes are easy, they are not uninspiring, but I feel quite elitist a lot of the time. I still have to do a lot of reading and what not, but the teachers expect a lot less of you. Like, its 10th grade all over again, its Leeban and Carl making stupid jokes. Less potty humor, but for example I'm taking this Sociology of Womens class (a reason to hear the "other side"; feminist perspectives and all) and the guys in the class are literally telling sexist jokes while the teacher is talking about the gravity of domestic abuse. I don't know...many more parallel universe moments than I am used to.
So I'm mostly writing this post because I've been very lazy and about 5 people are wondering what the hell happened to me. *so many fans of the me :)*
So yeah, I was in Europe... but due to certain emotional issues within the me, I am not stable enough to go back to Geneva, my parent's house in Belgium or even where I grew up in The Hague. I'm becoming more self aware every day, but have still a long way to go. Finding yourself isn't easy at all, especially when you've devised so many mechanisms to steer yourself away from the particularly scary stuff.
Well my friends, that is the lowdown of the sarahalexandra Dee. Many of you have written emails and asked questions. I will hopefully be more prompt about them now that I have written this. No promises though, I am not just busy with the superficial stuff, I''m busy also pushing myself towards and away from the gravity of living.
The End (until the next time I write of course)