Hi Everyone!!!
I hope you had a nice flight!!!
I hope your five day stay with the normal people has given you a false sense of security in america!!!
I hope you will love you roomates whose chirpiness probably might kill you some day soooon!!
But don't worrry!!
We give you candy!!!!
and a little lobotomy!!!
and you will fit in just fine!!!!!
....it was not a stereotype....its all becoming reality....you will TRY to suck the irony from my brain but all you will get is an enhanced version of MISS EUROPA 2004 :P
23.8.04
The Night. Doubts. Reality. A Headache.
The final whirlwind of delerium.
This is getting so fucking tough...
I'm not up to trying to impress people or trying to be myself and being laughed at...
Yes I'm scared shitless.
I want to cry and sleep at the same time.
I want this change so badly but i don't want it like this.
I love you all. I already miss you all. I just want the mind and heart in a settled place.
Too numb to swallow the reality yet too alive to ignore it anymore.
Please give me peace.
( I L Y M S A)
:)
This is getting so fucking tough...
I'm not up to trying to impress people or trying to be myself and being laughed at...
Yes I'm scared shitless.
I want to cry and sleep at the same time.
I want this change so badly but i don't want it like this.
I love you all. I already miss you all. I just want the mind and heart in a settled place.
Too numb to swallow the reality yet too alive to ignore it anymore.
Please give me peace.
( I L Y M S A)
:)
22.8.04
COMING UP: What America is REALLY ALL ABOUT
Until then, I'll miss all of you. Or is it really too early to write this euology to all those friends i'm most probably never gonna see again. Until Christmas.
But i'm really excited about telling the truth of how it is like to live there. Project. Big Project.
When any stereotype is confirmed. It WiLL be written down. In very cryptical form ofcourse. Man i feel more and more like Harriet the Spy.
But i'm really excited about telling the truth of how it is like to live there. Project. Big Project.
When any stereotype is confirmed. It WiLL be written down. In very cryptical form ofcourse. Man i feel more and more like Harriet the Spy.
19.8.04
Le Roi de Bullshit
King Arthur and his brave and trustworthy knights.
"Sigh"
They talked. Walked. Talked. Said some beautifully cliché crap that was copy and paste from LOTERR (lotr) and smiled their flashy unknown actors teeth at us to win our hearts and minds when they act badly in their next blockbuster.
But but but, the scene with the breaking ice was sooo cool and then all the bad guys they don't know whats coming and they all die! And then the girl from pirates of the carribean turns into some Xena warrior type girl and her boobs nearly fall out of her top while shesends them arrows PHSSUUW at the bad guys with fire and KABOOM.
Plus she has like the only cool line in the whole movie;
Lancelot looking at yonder evil Saxonians (who has a cool goatee and weird leather jacket): Oh there are a lot of lonely men in that army
Guineviviviireee giving him this cool badass i'm so gonna smack ur ass once we're home kinda look : Oh don't worry i won't let them rape you.
*giggle*
Other than that it rained and rained and rained today and my footsies are cold. Wearing flip flops when the lightening nearly scares the shit out of you earlier in the day, is not a good idea. Unless you want cold footsies. My kitty cat is lying on the leather couch and her white paws are bunched together against her black body like speckles of furry snowflakes in the landskape of fuzzy obscurity. Or its just a cat.
"Sigh"
They talked. Walked. Talked. Said some beautifully cliché crap that was copy and paste from LOTERR (lotr) and smiled their flashy unknown actors teeth at us to win our hearts and minds when they act badly in their next blockbuster.
But but but, the scene with the breaking ice was sooo cool and then all the bad guys they don't know whats coming and they all die! And then the girl from pirates of the carribean turns into some Xena warrior type girl and her boobs nearly fall out of her top while shesends them arrows PHSSUUW at the bad guys with fire and KABOOM.
Plus she has like the only cool line in the whole movie;
Lancelot looking at yonder evil Saxonians (who has a cool goatee and weird leather jacket): Oh there are a lot of lonely men in that army
Guineviviviireee giving him this cool badass i'm so gonna smack ur ass once we're home kinda look : Oh don't worry i won't let them rape you.
*giggle*
Other than that it rained and rained and rained today and my footsies are cold. Wearing flip flops when the lightening nearly scares the shit out of you earlier in the day, is not a good idea. Unless you want cold footsies. My kitty cat is lying on the leather couch and her white paws are bunched together against her black body like speckles of furry snowflakes in the landskape of fuzzy obscurity. Or its just a cat.
18.8.04
Blind Optimism will make anything possible.
I want it
to be the solution.
Who am i kidding...
Battle of whats going to happen,
versus the ten thousand things that my mind can bend it to, so it won't hurt as much.
to be the solution.
Who am i kidding...
Battle of whats going to happen,
versus the ten thousand things that my mind can bend it to, so it won't hurt as much.
Eat my troubled fruit, sweetness of the taste will do me good
Killer song of the moment. Only due to current circumstances;
I was just thinking- Teitur
DAMN ALL THIS FREE TIME!
I was just thinking- Teitur
DAMN ALL THIS FREE TIME!
17.8.04
Candy Bars and Futurama at midnight
Tram rides, bad weather and and a tipsy mind make for a bad ride home.
I think of all things good, they are obviously what you are not able to have at that moment; otherwise you wouldn't stop to think about them.
I think of all things bad, and it never stops.
I think of you and how we walked here and there. Now you know where those places are.
I look at my candy bars which i'm to eat now and think of how you will always give me healthy advice, if not for my physique, for my mind. A constant S shape in my mind so clearly carresses your cheek to your neck and i feel i could grab on to the real you, so much the manque has become concrete.
I don't want to think, yet absence of thought leads me right back to you.
I walk out of the tram and the harsh rain has been intterupted by a warm wind so powerful i can feel it push through me and enter my veins. Close my eyes and breath in the comfort of an omnipresence i have nothing to do with and the pleasure that i can't control.
I think of all things good, they are obviously what you are not able to have at that moment; otherwise you wouldn't stop to think about them.
I think of all things bad, and it never stops.
I think of you and how we walked here and there. Now you know where those places are.
I look at my candy bars which i'm to eat now and think of how you will always give me healthy advice, if not for my physique, for my mind. A constant S shape in my mind so clearly carresses your cheek to your neck and i feel i could grab on to the real you, so much the manque has become concrete.
I don't want to think, yet absence of thought leads me right back to you.
I walk out of the tram and the harsh rain has been intterupted by a warm wind so powerful i can feel it push through me and enter my veins. Close my eyes and breath in the comfort of an omnipresence i have nothing to do with and the pleasure that i can't control.
Tip of the Day: Surround Yourself with Pretty things.
Needlessly, i spent the rest of the time going to flush my brain out with very pointless activities which involved no stimuli whatsoever. Do i feel guilty about it? not really. The conscience when bathed in ignorance is little less than passively alive. Do i really know what i'm talking about half of the time? not really. The brain has peacefully faded away to numb-blurry-mode where i'm definitely only using half of it for 99% of the time. Who is to blame? a 3 month long vacation and a motivation trickling awaaay.
I realise that punctuation are man's attempt to throw some tonality into their written communication.
How are you doing?!!?!
How are you doing!
How, are, you, doing?
How are you doing?
How are you doing....
Its like a decresendo in interest and in perkiness and in volume. In another language it'd be a whole different story. I wonder how these tonalities create themselves, on which syllable we flex to let the mouth slur to the next word to reduce the speed and pitch and volume to the next word. Its so complex. Quite interesting too.
So in this nowhereland state, I ask myself, do i let myself become part of the Airhead nation of people out there? Then I reply, ofcourse not i'm a cool, hipster, intelligent, nerd-wannabe. All those pointless categories tell us is that i'm your average insecure teenager full of pointless questions while the world revolves and we still continue to screw it over.
BUT until next time! Remember our sponsor Pretty Things, tell you surround
Yourself. By it.
Buy it.
I realise that punctuation are man's attempt to throw some tonality into their written communication.
How are you doing?!!?!
How are you doing!
How, are, you, doing?
How are you doing?
How are you doing....
Its like a decresendo in interest and in perkiness and in volume. In another language it'd be a whole different story. I wonder how these tonalities create themselves, on which syllable we flex to let the mouth slur to the next word to reduce the speed and pitch and volume to the next word. Its so complex. Quite interesting too.
So in this nowhereland state, I ask myself, do i let myself become part of the Airhead nation of people out there? Then I reply, ofcourse not i'm a cool, hipster, intelligent, nerd-wannabe. All those pointless categories tell us is that i'm your average insecure teenager full of pointless questions while the world revolves and we still continue to screw it over.
BUT until next time! Remember our sponsor Pretty Things, tell you surround
Yourself. By it.
Buy it.
12.8.04
MonteGrotto, Italia
There were people.
There was food.
The Boredom was nice.
The massages were better.
The books were finished fast.
And now all i have to do is think.
Yet that tends to be dangerous
There was food.
The Boredom was nice.
The massages were better.
The books were finished fast.
And now all i have to do is think.
Yet that tends to be dangerous
4.8.04
n'arg'h
Them Gerbils with the little pickaxes going away at my brain again.
Geneva clouds of steam seeping in through every pore and condensing to make me pig-like.
Air-co silent refuge from the argh-ness of moment.
Needness to surf the crimson waves is here and not for the first time feared not coming. Quadruple negatives.
Crap Music on le television encore une fois.
Wet clothes dripping in every other room as lack of clothes hanging rack is quite the stressing.
Atleast all fire causing elements have been cautiously switched OFF.
Taking care of yourself is quite tedious, really.
Train to catch at 9am tomorrow...WHipIEE.
Geneva clouds of steam seeping in through every pore and condensing to make me pig-like.
Air-co silent refuge from the argh-ness of moment.
Needness to surf the crimson waves is here and not for the first time feared not coming. Quadruple negatives.
Crap Music on le television encore une fois.
Wet clothes dripping in every other room as lack of clothes hanging rack is quite the stressing.
Atleast all fire causing elements have been cautiously switched OFF.
Taking care of yourself is quite tedious, really.
Train to catch at 9am tomorrow...WHipIEE.
2.8.04
Sushi for thought
The only reason anyone would want something perfect is so that they could have the pleasure of messing it up. Say for example you're in the bus, yes my sanctuary. And you see this perfect girl. No, not my lesbian tendancies, just that girls tend to look after their appearance more often than guys do(or that could be a strange stereotype which someone will proove me wrong on). In ANY CASE after i justify myself 100 times, you see this perfect person. They have everything in place, their hair is straightened to the perfect degree, their shirt is the right length and size and their shoes match their outfit impecably. They never make a movement out of place or heighten their voice if its not needed. This eyecandy of sweetshop heaven. So IF you were attracted to this person, wouldn't you just wanna take them home and be the one priviledged enough to mess up their hair, make them squeal in that unorderly fashion and just screw up this whole image you'd be lucky enough to engulf? I would. And as for the people out there in buses and trams who don't have this perfect image, don't you just love being the relaxed disorderly persony you are able to be?
Other than that, i realised that being good mannered is scary. Giving up your seat to that old lady, in Geneva, is harder than it should be. First of all, if you had the guts to tap them on the arm and offer them your seat, they might bluntly refuse it, and you'd sit there wondering what was wrong with you in the first place. When this doesn't hapepn, because most probably you're one of those people with such a low self esteem that you want to blend into society as quietly as possible, you're just going to sit there making excuses to yourself as to why its better you're sitting and they're standing anyways. You have a heavy bag to carry, there are many other seats they could go to, you feel sick, they're most probably getting off at the next stop, someone else next to you will be gentlemanly, old people are out to kill you etc... In conclusion, because this neat little story offers us a fantastic moral insights, as do all the other posts in this whole blog, its a hostile brutal world and for insecure people it just pushes them down in the dirt even more than they should.The brain is an evil thing that twists innocent situations intoa whole moral dilemma and giving a seat to old gramma should be as easy as ...eating...peanut butter... I say lobotomy for all! and um Vote Kerry?
Other than that, i realised that being good mannered is scary. Giving up your seat to that old lady, in Geneva, is harder than it should be. First of all, if you had the guts to tap them on the arm and offer them your seat, they might bluntly refuse it, and you'd sit there wondering what was wrong with you in the first place. When this doesn't hapepn, because most probably you're one of those people with such a low self esteem that you want to blend into society as quietly as possible, you're just going to sit there making excuses to yourself as to why its better you're sitting and they're standing anyways. You have a heavy bag to carry, there are many other seats they could go to, you feel sick, they're most probably getting off at the next stop, someone else next to you will be gentlemanly, old people are out to kill you etc... In conclusion, because this neat little story offers us a fantastic moral insights, as do all the other posts in this whole blog, its a hostile brutal world and for insecure people it just pushes them down in the dirt even more than they should.The brain is an evil thing that twists innocent situations intoa whole moral dilemma and giving a seat to old gramma should be as easy as ...eating...peanut butter... I say lobotomy for all! and um Vote Kerry?
1.8.04
Coffee Clouds in my Head
Smile on face
Heavy eyes
non existant body still in daze
Dido melting into back of brain
Airconditioner creaking as it turns
Cold air brushing against the numb leg
Infomercials on mute
the familiar on a new level
nothing moves
*2 Dreamers = a deeper plunge into reality than you ever dared
Heavy eyes
non existant body still in daze
Dido melting into back of brain
Airconditioner creaking as it turns
Cold air brushing against the numb leg
Infomercials on mute
the familiar on a new level
nothing moves
*2 Dreamers = a deeper plunge into reality than you ever dared
Riding a Bike
Riding a Bike, is not a simple business; it requires tact, wit and a little bit of common sense. The latter ofcourse is not needed at all times, fore that would just be undermining the cyclist. The Following Tips, will help amateur to Pro Biker and will ensure all safety and show biking at its finest. Warning, with these sure-fire tips you are GUARANTEED first place in any race.
1. Purchasing Correct Bike
So, you wanna buy a bike? Well you gotta buy one that you can sit on, there fore its needs a saddle. Without one of these, you got yourself a little problem. Unless you're using your bike for more fetishistic reasons *ahem*. Then you need to be able to reach the handles from where you are sitting. If wanted you can add pink/purple/magenta tassles to the sides of your handles to add to the "flowing" effect of your bike (Nt; very highly related to "Winning that important race"). Once you have the right size and colour (the colour is very very important, because influences not only the endurance of the bike, but whether you will win the race or not) you can hit the streets with your shiney new monstAR machine.
2. Getting on and Utilising the Bike
Now this is the tricky part. It requires coordination and a little imagination. Pretend the bike is Yak. Yes a Yak. This stubborn yak will not move until you get on it, and you tell it who is master. So you lift your leg over the yak/bike and take control of that wild beast by sitting on it. Before you agress the yak/bike, you have to quickly grab hold of its horns/handles with a sturdy grip. Okay so now you want it to move. This thing was BUILT to flllyyy. But only you can make it do so, therefore you have to just throw your feet on those hectic foot strappy thingies and be ready to roooooollllll. Beware, once you start going, you just don't want to stop. So have allocated few time set aside for this riding.
3.Winning that Important Race
Now that you have all the most useful information on handling your bike with the utter most care, you are ready to defeat the fearsome pack of cyclists. HOW? you ask. Many things must be taken into account. First you must hydrate, preferably water. And a lot so that you can use that urinating cup holder on your bike WISELY. (yes its not for a water bottle actually). During the race there will be a lot of evil enemy bikers trying to over take you but don't fret, you can conveniently scare them with a homemade bell that can be attached to handles. *shiver*"noooot the bells!!". If that fails you can always try to pedal faster than the others, but that would require full on excersise and who really wants to do that anyways. You can always camouflage your bike into air, by making it invisible, your opponents will be so baffeled by you cycling through air, you'll race through in no time (Note: in this case, urinating cup might be best left not painted in invisible ink).
1. Purchasing Correct Bike
So, you wanna buy a bike? Well you gotta buy one that you can sit on, there fore its needs a saddle. Without one of these, you got yourself a little problem. Unless you're using your bike for more fetishistic reasons *ahem*. Then you need to be able to reach the handles from where you are sitting. If wanted you can add pink/purple/magenta tassles to the sides of your handles to add to the "flowing" effect of your bike (Nt; very highly related to "Winning that important race"). Once you have the right size and colour (the colour is very very important, because influences not only the endurance of the bike, but whether you will win the race or not) you can hit the streets with your shiney new monstAR machine.
2. Getting on and Utilising the Bike
Now this is the tricky part. It requires coordination and a little imagination. Pretend the bike is Yak. Yes a Yak. This stubborn yak will not move until you get on it, and you tell it who is master. So you lift your leg over the yak/bike and take control of that wild beast by sitting on it. Before you agress the yak/bike, you have to quickly grab hold of its horns/handles with a sturdy grip. Okay so now you want it to move. This thing was BUILT to flllyyy. But only you can make it do so, therefore you have to just throw your feet on those hectic foot strappy thingies and be ready to roooooollllll. Beware, once you start going, you just don't want to stop. So have allocated few time set aside for this riding.
3.Winning that Important Race
Now that you have all the most useful information on handling your bike with the utter most care, you are ready to defeat the fearsome pack of cyclists. HOW? you ask. Many things must be taken into account. First you must hydrate, preferably water. And a lot so that you can use that urinating cup holder on your bike WISELY. (yes its not for a water bottle actually). During the race there will be a lot of evil enemy bikers trying to over take you but don't fret, you can conveniently scare them with a homemade bell that can be attached to handles. *shiver*"noooot the bells!!". If that fails you can always try to pedal faster than the others, but that would require full on excersise and who really wants to do that anyways. You can always camouflage your bike into air, by making it invisible, your opponents will be so baffeled by you cycling through air, you'll race through in no time (Note: in this case, urinating cup might be best left not painted in invisible ink).
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