Fairyland

Piano trinkles and pours its heart out behind me, giving me some melodrama to rest my body on.
Silence
I finally hear silence in America.
Well it was brief. Because now there are two men with leaf blowers, 500 cars and a garbage truck.
The beauty of the moment totally killed.
But for a second there was nothing, i could actually hear the music, and i could actually here the sound of a dry leaf scratching away on the sidewalk. THINGS YOU PEOPLE take for granted.

Another good reason to avoid both our essays

*When everything is going right in your life you know that there must be something wrong :) Maybe not now, but somewhere in the continum of space or time, it hits u like a monkey hits people with a banana, and you say "Oh Well Obviously, I totally saw it coming".

*I have work to do, yet once again I am not doing it. There is a certain level of engagement you need to take (she says while typing this half dazedly looking out of the window at horizon), like when you focus on certain aspects of the question at hand, and you're like WOW this is compelling, or WOW this is challenging. Am I the only person here who doesn't fully comprehend how special this education I'm getting is. I mean I'm telling myself it is, but I take it with such disdained interest a lot of the time. Who knows.

*Looking around me,

INVENTORY

1. My plant has died, if i touched it it would whither into a pile of leaf decay
2. There is a humungus jug of water, portions that only exist here, though I am thankful for that because the tap water tastes like shit
3. A little pink toy man bobbling his head from side to side with an innocent smile on his face
4. Evil Bunny Magnet with "It worries me how dumb you are" written on it
5. 45 blank CD's
6. Newly perchased Mansfield Park CD
7. Blue post-its reminding me not to forget stuff i most certainly will forget
8. 4 rolls of tape, one both sided stickie
9. Writing Papers- A Handbook For Students at Smith College, by some unsuspecting idealist teacher who thinks I have the patience to read it
10. Italiano Concise Dictionary
11. A fan not used since 9/2/04 (ewww American notation)
12. Two bottles of aspirins *must be that time of the month, or week, or day*
13. Rubber glow in the dark duckie
14. BELGIAN PENGUINS WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD sign on the window
15. Photos of both crocus flowers in my old garden and Sampath, Abten, Damo, Aye Aye and Shyam.
16. One of those Fake Glasses with nose and moustache all in one
17. Broken Printer I would gladly throw out of this closed window (for dramatic effect)
18. Boggle I haven't played in a while :)
19. Now stop reading before you go crazy on all the useful things i own

Brown

Its all cold and shivery inside my cocoon

Mind still not working straight, a very cold breeze, seeping through this stuffy room, is giving me life to work with. One half of the room with fogged up windows, due to the rain constantly hitting it. The other half, open, breathing, with a clear view on the blurry world outside. There is never enough light in this room, only one bed-side glow is supposed to indicate that it is supposidly day. Hibernation in the 6 hours days, even sleep confuses me. Its not an escape anymore, its just a second world of chaos. I want to think straight, i want to explain straight, why isn't normality the only option?
Different people fill different roles. You can't feel the exact same thing for two people. You feel different shades. You feel your hand tugging at one soul, electrocuting any other senses. You feel you mind being swallowed up by another soul. One person you've know for years, the other for a few days. The rain jutts in landing on all the electric cables, half of me wants to be safe, the other half wants the whole room to explode. The answer to the immediate will be supplied very soon, and leaving you lying in a corner for quite some time.

Can't be Fkd

lalalalalalalalala crappy love song
lalalalalalalaa brain flushed down the toilet
beep...beep...beep unoccupied mind but still flashes of the future made with collaged images of the past.
Its all so pretty in the snow, you know snow in the dark, when you only have to trust its white during the day. Something about the reflection of light, and the lack of it in the dark. No don't worry, not another nature post. Just..just..need certainty. Need a royal flush of the mind so as to assure myself that nothing is going to go wrong. That nothing is going to go as i think. a month...is too long, 5 monthes is okay. but this last month, is waahaaay to long.

So enough of the personal crap. Lets speak to the masses. Lets brainwash them properly with humoristic-intelligentic banter. So i was in Boston today again, for obvious reasons. CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, and mainly SPENDING WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON CLOTHES because America is turning me into a fat poop. So after spending a wooping 9 horus ina mind numbing mall, we took a taxi back to the bus stop.
Now this taxi had it all; 4 wheels, 20 seats AND a DVD player. Mr taxi driver man was playing some traditional Morrocan jingles. Yeah it was fun, so were the potholes, in the middle of the city, and the CRAZY people zig zagging in front of us constantly. And then he put a DVD on like 1 minute before we got there. Oceans Eleven. My dearest friend Kate realises that at every pothole hes hitting, the meter is going up by 35cents. Trying to distract the helpless little Smith girls with a movie aaaaay. And yes we gave him a 70 cent tip. BUT besides that we were very shocked and apalled by the service.
Stores during sales, here, look like shops striving really hard to become warehouses.
You know those ppl who usually just look at you ugly and say "would you like some help?", or just even "Hello"....well in Victorias Secrets (yes, we just HAd to go in, pretty slutty stuff, but hey what to expect) so the sales person there had a whole speaker phone head set on, and shes telling us about coupons after victoria secret cash card after saving on taxes. When my buddy Steph says shes not interested, the ladies all like fake crying and saying aw now u made me cry. All this taking a good 3 mintues. 3 minutes of our valuable 9 hrs of shopping.
And NOoow for Zombie MOde
I neeeeeeeeeeEeEeed sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...*drool, splutter drool* sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
So excuse me ladies and gentlemen, while i rest my tired zombie eyes
Don't worry. i'll suck ur brains in my dreams :):)

And Pharaohs heart was hardened aaaagaaaain

Yeap religion is getting to me. I am enjoying this submersion into my alleged Jewish heritage. but 8 hours of the bible and the Haggadah is keeeling me. AHHHHHHH. I've put nailpolish on everything possible, my nails, hands, paper brain. Even my brain is sparkling. Brainicure of my life. I want liposuction in my soul and not feel stupid or smart, just nothing for 2 seconds. PLUS i need to do other stuff, which i don't wanna do :)
SMILE its NOT EVEN midnight yet

Eulogy

*Woo*

1 Year anniversary

We've traveled long and far and hard and all those fun places. Its as good a day as any for someone to have Blog. Yet its not just someone, its My BLOG Myn Myn myn

There were hard times, there were fun times, there were times when you were all like what the hell is she going on about today, there were times when I made sense, there were times ( a lot of times, when i talked about the weather), there were times when it was accidentaly funny, there were times I didn't write in English (like one post :P), there were times when when other people added stuff (most frequent Greg and Ieva), there were times when I thought pictures were cool, there were times when I had nothing to write, there were times when i thought I was the most superior poet on Mount Olympus, there were times. But now is now and this is here and i'm happy with my Blog, thank you to all the people who bother to read me when they are bored, and yes you are bored to read this, because it is a last resort... admit ...not so bad a last resort.

My grammar still is on the sucky side of life.

Poo.

Wake *Up

I have this strange premonition that I will never know how to write properly. I don't really care though. I'm all about the visual *semi eye roll*.

Have you ever had a day where the world seem to be view through marbles. Like instead of eyes you have marbles for eyes. Heavy, glossy, things weighing down in your brain. Thats what today felt like. I don't know if its the air in America today, but it was thick. The sky was bright blue and the tree bright orange and the contrast was acid melting into the back of my eyes. What can I say, lack of sleep makes things überpsychadelik.

Man i feel important voting for stem cell research in Switzerland. No highly played up bright coloured animated news special, no booth after flyer after pin after headline about some superstar idiots. Just plain old stem cell research. Man i feel so boring and useful.

And now...well now i have Coldplay resonatateateateate and in between highpitched blonde republican squeal. THen i have more resonateateate. Luckily its quiet at night. Icey cold quiet.

197-188

The reds are in the lead. Why is this such a tie? I'm not really supposed to care about the process, but the map of america once again slashed with an eerie vibrant red. The connotations are painful. I just don't want to hear about this for another week, or another month. because not only does it infiter every 2nd conversation it infilters classes and any normal unrelated thought. Europe will not know to later, but either way we're both none the wiser...

MUSak

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless and you're precious

And on that lovely note.
*monkey head massage*

Run me down

And then I feel like the world is going to fall away.
Sore eyes and sneezed up nose. I try not to enhale the bad Chinese
In the fridge, it is melting away into the side of the door, my back cripple
To simplify life past yoga techniques or anything sensible.

Listening to romantic portugese music. It doesn’t feel like the right kind of music
But we do not download here at Smith, therefore we have the one song our boyfriend
Has sent us.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Strange strange movie. I feel inspired to write
A little nothingness about life, because its meaning is so hidden yet so clear. I want to dye my hair a thousand and one colours to be as crazy and Kate Winslet. But must rememeber to be myself. Remember to be myself. I watch too many movies in this place. I eat too much bad food in this place. Slack off too much. Complain too much. Too much fucking estrogen. Too much to choke u in ur sleep so you die and then reincarnate into sushi to be eaten by more full college students who don’t need the food but eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. I eat, look in the mirror, and I don’t really think its all too bad. I have no sickness, maybe I should develop a shade of a complex so as to motivate some healthy ingestion. HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Need
Live Testosterone sent my way. Need to have useful things in my life. Need to take up a passion. I play no piano, I hear music live, I want to cry, I want to play it, but I’m a fucking lazy bastard.
I love a boy who is not in the same country as me, I don’t know if it will work, I don’t know if it won’t, I just like how it is. But missing is hard at midnight, its too hard toooooo hard. I don’t even want to think about it, but I have to, to keep me sane. I need to find a solution to every problem, need to make sense out of life need to help myself to help others need to live life.
Oh god.
Are you there?
I (L) Huckabees. Pretty philosophical, lost the point of the movie midway, waaay to existentially uniform for me. I like every day events which become magical, not magic that becomes every day events…I think. I don’t mind making magic, but I’ll always know they were only every day events.
I think the boyfriend is gorgeous, in his quiet way he seems to have his life all deceivingly sorted. I really really want blue hair now. God why do I obsess over something I’m never going to do…
Am I Happy?
Waiting for something is good, but when u wait for something to come in 4 years time which you’re not sure is going to come, is it worth it? I want to think so. I want love to prevail in a beautifully epic way. I want to have love sweep me into a dream for the next 4 years, I want it all don’t i.
They say making love is a meeting of the infinities for the ultimate connection. They say making love is seeing nirvana for a split second. They say that it is becoming one. They say a lot of things. I just think making love is, well I’m not really sure, it’s a lot of things, but I suppose in 2 words, it’s a blinding transparency.
In a sentence it’s the universe shooting up your back, spinal cord, neck, brain, and nestling within everything right, but only glowing within if true love is felt.
The ultimate experience is only felt within then eyes and the spirit of your true “other”.

Comping UP

Lalalalallaa *poop* lalalalaa's 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY(wOoooOooOoo)

Who'd have thought i'd ever have gotten so far with the conditionals?!

(hee)

Sneak Peak of the bullshit i will think up of in a few days TIME!!! :

Love all of yous who have even read part of one article, u're my FAVOURITIE fans Eveurr

WIthout YOuuu i wouldn't have made it this far

Catchword of the life: "Poo"

Well, I thought I’d be too busy to write this. And I am, too busy that is. But I still manage to entertain my dear forced readers (teehee) to read this. Umm so yeah, I’m tired stressed and pissed at all the shit America is making me do. Yeah its all america’s fault. Blame the country, not my inability to remember and organize things properly :D. So then I woke up and realized it was a day and I had to live it.
And then I was like thinking about the mafia or something and I had this like thunderbolt memory of a dream I had last night. And I’m thinking shit why the hell did that just remind me of the dream so I’m thinking murder blackmail I don’t know what. But none of those key pictures in my head clung onto the memory of the dream to make me relive the dream. It was quite annoying. It happens a lot. I wonder why certain dreams are so hard to remember, like you will only remember a dream if you think about it the second you wake up.
Another thing, I was studying Italian like good little Belgian girls should, and I started chapter 5. Yeap it was the beginning of a fresh chapter. I started reading about all the things that one can drink at a cafè and then my eye came upon the magical word, ghiaccio. Ghiaccio. I stopped and smiled. This word MEANT that I had come to the epiphany of my learning Italian this semester. For those of you who know me, when all other sensical phrases failed, remember how I used to say, “Niente con ghiaccio”????? WELL NOW
I CAN SPELL IT TOO!!!
Totally the highlight of my day.

Giggle Haaaaaa Choke

12/10
I wanna jump out the window right now, bounce off the sidewalk and jump spin and twirl and skip and feel the wind rushing through my clothes and hair and scream and look at hte sky and dream but i don't wanna work. No sir, it involves reading and thinking and DOING stuff. holidays are evil they make u wanna not work and they u don't and then u diiiiiiiie.

10/10
Two days ago i was in Boston. it was fun. We were at Harvard Square. Scoping all the hot people. It was so clear who was was from Harvard, they like intentionally wearing suits and disgustingly designer clothes. There was a drunken man in Harvard Square. he joined into a photograph and talked about a teddybear he had recently found in the trash. He pulled out a postcard with a cat about to pounce on a spider and said " this is from my girlfriend". I asked him whether his girlfriend was the cat or the spider, he said nono and turned it around and showed us the writing. He then talk about Mexico and the population in it, had a mini seizure, told us he was having a mini seizure. We walked away. Took the subway, it had been a while. ON the walls there were advertisements when the subway went past and they were like screenshots of a publicity so it looked like they were moving as u rode past. Pretty amazing.

Then we were heading for China town but never got there, laughed at allt he crazy expensive things people were trying to sell to us and went back to the bus. There we had fun freezing in the wind taking über cool fotos of each other freezing funnily in the wind.

By then I was deliriously tired and when back on the bus nearly passed out. Decided to listen to music.

While I'm far away from you my baby
Whisper a little prayer for me my baby
Because it's hard for me my baby
And the darkest hour is just before dawn

And then I watched the headlights of the opposite side of the highway rush into the corner of my eye. Thought of all the times I didn’t pray for people, and all the times I was up at dawn. I wish I could wake up before dawn to agree or not that that was the hardest time of the day when separated from all those you love. Supposidly thought of you as I tried not to think of the gerbil axeing its way through my temples.

Baby I love you
You know I need you
Gotta have you
Can't be without you

[R. Kelly]
It's like downtown New York
In the middle of traffic jam
All I really want you to know is who I am
Find me, low key, in the back of club
roll with some fine females rollin' on dubs
You n me big pimpin' on a shoppin' spree in LA
Papratzi's and critics don't give a damn what they say

I then had an epiphany as to why hip hop culture was so popular. At this time of the night when I was about to pass out, it was the easiest thing for my brain to swallow. I didn’t care what they were saying, it sounded nice their beats were easy to swallow. No deep life crisis, no bullshitting extrordinaire. People who had enough shit to deal with every day or night, didn’t want to fuck around with what “alternative” music has to offer to rich/middle class females. Just simply pouring numbing honey into the brain.

Children- Robert Miles

Yes this is the theme song to X-files. But placed out of context in my half dreamy asleep state of mind, and the lights flashing around my head, it was becoming a pretty trippy song. It’s the perfect nighttime highway song. Everything that happens in the song happens then. The lamp posts, the nothingness of car after car after car, of the buses rhythmic forward rolling, I guess the song hypes life up, but it fits.

I got to bed and read a very sexually heightened sequal to Pride and Prejudice. Interesting none the less. Now have to face a nice dose of actual work since having done shit for the past 4 days :D :) :P ;) :o :) :P :D :D :P :P :D :) ;P :<> smileys suck; ambiguous fucks that deserve to be eaten by headless chikons.

Its Been a While

Sorry dear compassionately frequent readers, lol all two of you, for not having written recently. Time takes too much time as they say.

Now that my room mate has gone for autumn break, i find myself talking to myself. Saying all those nitty gritty things that i wasn't allowed to say when i was in the room with someone else. Its amazing how quiet it really gets when you're on your own. When i was alone in the apartment i needed to compulsively have the TV on, the radio on in the kitchen, music on my computer and i needed to have a full blown conversation either with myself, my cat or mr spatula.

The other day, Thursday i will call it, i was walking into the little town of Northampton to return a dvd. Only like 2 dollars here for a movie, its quite blissful and i end up renting a lot of them. Anyways so i decide not to take my discman and am confronted with the harshness of the REAL WORLD. So i'm walking down the path outside of Smith campus, past the grocers and the pharmacy and its quite dark. My mind is allowed to wander but at the expense at which my mind is essentially open to the world because i don't have music faking i can't hear or see anything. I walk up the hill past this small church, some spanish one and then get onto the main street. Its already 7 o'clock, at this time on a normal day in Geneva the wind would be howling through Rive and nothing would be there. Maybe a tram or two but nothing else would dare be there. When i started to realise how i'd grown up with quietness, essentially when it was dark, the buzz of a town awake with music and people and SUVs started to disconcert me. I felt like i was in Disneyland all of a sudden. Northampton you see, nothing goes wrong, small little shops of hippy nothingness, kids who've gone all rebelious on hippyland dressed as hardcore goths sit on the side of the road, everyone has their place, but everyone is outside and doing stuff. Nothing wrong really but it just doesn't feel right. I start to feel claustrophic with all the lights and the sounds filling the usually quiet darkness. I walk very quickliy to the movie rental place and drop my dvd off wispering thank you and get back to my room as quickly possible. In a world of no cruelty, something bothersome has to be sought after?

MSN PMSes on me Again.

I don't care if its raining and i don't care if all of fucking America is using the internet, I expect to get proper service so that I can have a decent 1 hr conversation without this fucking program shutting down on me every 5 mins.
Webcam doesn't work
Sending files fail
Doing anything more fucking elaborate than opening a window to talk to someone makes the whole fucking thing crash. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOUuuUU.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that flowery repartee. I'm going to go play BOGGLE!
WITH MYSELF!
but only after
I learn more about how the Buddha found his Dharma. BECAUSE ITS SO FUCKING TINTILLATING. *grumble* need chocolate.
And Yes its that time of the month

I never want to see a Wallmart in Europe

The More interesting people on the internet

After having said hi and asked about this particular person on the okcupid dating service (yes i know, but its funny) , they replied;

The words and tunes Are none of my own Though my joys and sorrows bore it. How will I say where I end Or where you begin How will I say, what shall I play Shall it be you or the wild wind? As Pan with the unsane eyes Or with the wild horns Or when I am crowned with the paper crown Or with the crown of thorns. Shall I now put lion's ears upon my ears? hear every sound as a roar Shall I now put mouse's eyes upon my eyes? gauge the moon for size against my paw Please don’t think I’m not your sort You’ll find that sheds are nicer than you thought.

Without having ever talked to this person before;

I hate to bother you with such a request, but I desperately need your help. My peaceful Victorian estate has been overrun by hordes of ravenous zombies! Even now they are attempting to claw their way through my thick oaken bedroom door. I fear that my life is forfeit unless you're willing to help me thwart these evil ghouls. What can you do? Please send me a picture of you doing the Star Trek hand sign. Ridiculous as it may sound, it's the only way I'll be able to vanquish these undead creeps. bonnysnot@hotmail.com is the sacred e-mail address to send your life-saving photo to. I beg you: Don't let me become their next meal!

Sincerely, and desperately,

-Jarvis, the baron who does not wish to become a tasty zombie snack.

Actually looking for inspiration to a title that no one cares about? Ridicoloso

I just realised how much my roommate is like me. Or I was like her. shes like the immature version of me? Without the sarcasm, the normal optimism, the laissez faire attitude, and with more drive. But hey not everyones perfect (birthday i was about to write). I miss, a normal person to talk to when it comes to work and advice. Friends in other houses are okay, but when i need it on the spot, its the RM's one sided jutting "oh that explains it all" advice.
I realise today Easy Mac (a crappy version of macaroni and cheese) is crap. Trying to give it away to someone, somehow. PLEEASE take it, pleaase. Luckily Campbells soup hasn't failed as to yet :). I miss homecooking. I never thought i'd say that cliché sentence. But its actually a lot of fun when someone is going to cook something with love, and you're going to know exactly how it tastes, and you're going to know its going to be yummy and healthy and not going to stuff you like a chicken. The perfect portion of life.
I want to lick the screen and let my tongue and taste buds enter the realm of cyberspace like Alice into the looking-glass or Keanu into the ''the real world". I want it to taste fuzzy like snow or white noise on the radio or Tv. I want it to crunch under my teeth and explode like little firecrackers into my throat. i want the edges to be chewy and fruity. Whatever black and white fruits taste like. Je veux l'amour facile, quelle'que chose que je n'ai pas peur d'affronter. Comment rever quand la réalité me force vers la terre? Io no lo so. Comme d'habitude, ich werde wie ein jelly donut. Soft and mushy on the outside, and soft and mushy on the inside. That be me, mushable. Sarah stop speaking the talk of the mad men. Pull that plug out of the back of my brain then :)
Too much free time.
Too little logica.

UnWhole Wholesome diet.By the obvious who speak the obvious.A Medley.

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
I'd like to watch you sleep at night,
to hear you breathe by my side
And although sleep leaves me behind,
there's nowhere I'd rather be
And now our bed is oh so cold,
my hands feel empty,
no-one to hold
I can sleep what side I want,
it's not the same with you gone
I won't sleep,
I can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
I won't leave,
I can't hide,
I cannot be,
until you're resting here with me.
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
Across the night
It was the moon that stole my slumber
Across the night
I fell in love with people sleeping
Closer now than we ever have been
Closer now than we've ever been before
Closer to everything
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true;

Loud and quiet

The Crickets are really loud here. I try to have my usual evening walking alone thoughts, yet the crickets interrupt any chance of every saving world hunger, or imagining kissing that true beloved. Looking up at the sky here, even the sky is noisy. I hope it will all fade into the background. I can sort of understand why the whole yoga thing is more needed here.

When I actually started thinking, I started thinking about American extremes again. I assure u this is all based on many prejudices but its fun to play around with. So the Land of extremes. A lot of loud very "happy" people. When I say this i mean in appearance ofcourse. So we have happy people. But what if! yes what if! in the land of the happy, u by any chance feel sad (like i do on occasions during these think fests, for thinking is the downright fall of any ignorant teenager like meself). So, people who suddenly feel sad must now resort to going to the other extreme, becoming very anti-society. The reason people are so happy in the first place is so to ignore the more real things in life like general downfall of society (poverty, hatred etc) *cannot think at the moment because bla bla bla bla bla droning away at too loud too loud don't want to hear too nice to complain tooo tooo nice must kill myself slowly with words slowly with sharp jabbing letters into my skin tillt he brain decomposes*.

SO when a little bit of reality surfaces, these children turn to the more illegal things like mariHuANA and alKohol. Which are ofcourse illegal and adrenaline shooting. The Media ofcourse is subdueing any negative feelings from the sad people, by only showing happy shiney people, or more "sad" / "depressed" celebrities, so its like adrenaline shots for the humdrum of life.

But there is so much of it out there that it just numbs in everyones minds, then i drift off on a tangent and dream of a delicate surge of power in my mouth, that i won't feel for another 4 monthes. Slow tears warm up the face, while i gently rock forth the porch swing and try to let that sky, that in Europe let me breath crystaline air *god do i miss geneva*, sooth me but telephone pole wires slashing the view. I miss my sky. That link to you. I feel a little part of me dies here. Nothing important, just breathings a little harder. Feel like caressing the trunk of a tree. Hippy you say. But my brain zones off and I feel whatever is left of me intertwines through and around the tree, and i want to breath out fully and let go into the arms of this tree. Close my eyes and drift off against this tree. Which tree you ask? The one which is settling its roots into both of us, slowly grappling on into our insides, slowly stabilising itslelf, through all the noise through all the nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, a single note of clarity, a single movement of settling strength. If i told you all what really was bothing me, you'd understand. If i told you all what the noise really was, you'd understand what i allude to. But i keep a wall, a wall of generality so my flowerly words speak to all and speak to none. They do the opposite of the similar. They...just...just...i don't know just scratch my brain away and let me be weightless in your arms. One kiss, just one, i think i might cry again and again and again over and over and over and over. Its the devil from within sprouting its wings to without. I need shelter. The neverending shelter of a home of comfort and privacy i need to cry i need to scream i need nothing more just...quiet. Blissful silence. Breathing in and out. Deep breaths. So close. oh so close again for always.

By Yasi

Here it is, you're lucky my publisher already knows that if i came
up with something this good it would have to have been stolen.


“The Squirrel and the monkey-named-bob” :Part One

Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far, far away, on a dark
and stormy night (actually it was a hot summers day but thats not
nearly as poetic is it?!) there lived a little squirrel who went by
the name of Boris. Boris lived in a big, giant, huge, enormous oak
tree at the foot of the forest, with his mum, dad and his aunt Beryl
(who was really a man, but i'm sure you don't want any more
details).

one fine day Boris decided to throw a party...well not
actually throw a party, cuz throwing something that big could be
rather dangerous (you'll poke someone's eye out with that thing!),
but rather he decided to have a party, or "make" a party as the
retarded french-people-who-think-they-can-speak-english say. *ahem*
as i was saying before you rudely interrpted, Boris decided to
have a party, and to invite all his friends: (yes unlike some people he
actually had friends) including petra the frog, petunia the slug,
gladys the hedgehog and tum and phul the bears. and naturally he
invited a lot of random Russian guys (hopefully goodlooking ones) as
Boris the squirrel was obviously a Russian spy. well i'm not going
to bore you with a list of Russian names, instead i am goign to bore
you with the details of the party :-)

Boris's friends turned up at the tree at exactly 4gm sharp, like all good forest creatures they
were very punctual. they all went inside and began to demolish the
lifetimes supply of russian vodka that Boris had won in a
competition from the back of a cereal packet...yes squirrels do buy
cereal!...anyway, as i was saying...hmmm what was i saying?....ah
yes, Boris's party...they all got really drunk off the russian
( kids these days, always getting drunk!) except for Tum and Phul
the bears, cuz they couldnt climb the tree that Boris lived in. now
this was very unfair, because we all know that fat people (or bears
as the case may be) have feelings too! and the poor bears shouldnt
be discriminated agaisnt just because of their unnaturally large
size! but as the world is just so damn unfair, the poor bears were
stuck outside the tree, crying their poor little eyes out and
listening to the sounds of drunken madness from within.

Suddenly a monkey appeared from the skies, floating down to earth on a
mary-poppins-style umbrella and a tube of colgate toothpaste.
hello, my name is Bob," said the monkey.
there was a sudden silence in the room (or tree) as everyone drew in
their breath sharply and stared open-mouthed at the monkey.
“my God” exclaimed Boris.
“Yes?” said the cute little grasshoppper from the
nearby bush.


....to be continued....

anyway, as i was saying...

Part Two: the squirrel

OK so there was this moneky floating down from the sky last time right? well then suddenly it started to rain, and all the monkey opened the tube of colgate toothpaste. the toothpaste mixed with rain made a pretty little substance called foam, and all the animals (apart from the poor bears of course) enjoyed a noice foam party. they frolicked in the foam til the sun appeared on the horizon, looking like a big drop of honey coated with sugar and covered with chocolate icing. from the foam sprouted huge bubbles, which were of course edible, and the animals had great fun eating them, along wiht the edible paper clips which have to appear in every story.

Boris the squirrel was having a wonderful time at his party, but he also felt sorry for the poor little bearlings stuck outside in the cold. in a gesture of goodwill Boris went outside to see the poor buggers, but instead of finding bears he found deliciuos looking mushrooms. these mushrooms looked so edible that Boris just had to eat one (bloody men, no self control!). anway, Boris ate the mushroom, and realised a litttle too late that is was a magic mushroom. the sky turned a beautiful shade of turquoise, and the grasshopper suddenly looked very much like dinner. despite the protests of the small and insignificant creature, Boris the squirrel ate the grasshopper, and never discovered that his true identity was God of the universe. but really God should take on a more obvious persona, like a lion, or even a polar bear...i mean who takes a grasshopper seriously??

so once Boris was fully satisfied with his meal, he decided to approach Bob the monkey. Now bob was well know throughout the southern hemisphere for his "bed escapades" , (i'll tell you bout that when you're older), so Boris was quite familiar with his type. Bob insisted that life was quite normal here on this beautiful little planet, but Boris was not convinced. he had seen the cruelty and the creativity of the human race, but he was not impressed. Bob on the other hand believed in a greater good for humanity, with lollipops and love for all.
"no es amor, lo que tu sientes, se llama obsesion", said the monkey.
"i can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid...tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide...", said the squirrel.
and suddenly a porcupine climbed out of it's hole and yawned widely,full of the hope and enlightenment of the middle class...

to be continued....

Hello Everyone, from Northampton!

Hi Everyone!!!
I hope you had a nice flight!!!
I hope your five day stay with the normal people has given you a false sense of security in america!!!
I hope you will love you roomates whose chirpiness probably might kill you some day soooon!!
But don't worrry!!
We give you candy!!!!
and a little lobotomy!!!
and you will fit in just fine!!!!!
....it was not a stereotype....its all becoming reality....you will TRY to suck the irony from my brain but all you will get is an enhanced version of MISS EUROPA 2004 :P

The Night. Doubts. Reality. A Headache.

The final whirlwind of delerium.
This is getting so fucking tough...
I'm not up to trying to impress people or trying to be myself and being laughed at...
Yes I'm scared shitless.
I want to cry and sleep at the same time.
I want this change so badly but i don't want it like this.
I love you all. I already miss you all. I just want the mind and heart in a settled place.
Too numb to swallow the reality yet too alive to ignore it anymore.
Please give me peace.
( I L Y M S A)
:)

COMING UP: What America is REALLY ALL ABOUT

Until then, I'll miss all of you. Or is it really too early to write this euology to all those friends i'm most probably never gonna see again. Until Christmas.
But i'm really excited about telling the truth of how it is like to live there. Project. Big Project.
When any stereotype is confirmed. It WiLL be written down. In very cryptical form ofcourse. Man i feel more and more like Harriet the Spy.

And on a more idiotic note

LEDERHOSEN!!

Le Roi de Bullshit

King Arthur and his brave and trustworthy knights.
"Sigh"
They talked. Walked. Talked. Said some beautifully cliché crap that was copy and paste from LOTERR (lotr) and smiled their flashy unknown actors teeth at us to win our hearts and minds when they act badly in their next blockbuster.
But but but, the scene with the breaking ice was sooo cool and then all the bad guys they don't know whats coming and they all die! And then the girl from pirates of the carribean turns into some Xena warrior type girl and her boobs nearly fall out of her top while shesends them arrows PHSSUUW at the bad guys with fire and KABOOM.
Plus she has like the only cool line in the whole movie;
Lancelot looking at yonder evil Saxonians (who has a cool goatee and weird leather jacket): Oh there are a lot of lonely men in that army
Guineviviviireee giving him this cool badass i'm so gonna smack ur ass once we're home kinda look : Oh don't worry i won't let them rape you.
*giggle*
Other than that it rained and rained and rained today and my footsies are cold. Wearing flip flops when the lightening nearly scares the shit out of you earlier in the day, is not a good idea. Unless you want cold footsies. My kitty cat is lying on the leather couch and her white paws are bunched together against her black body like speckles of furry snowflakes in the landskape of fuzzy obscurity. Or its just a cat.

Blind Optimism will make anything possible.

I want it
to be the solution.
Who am i kidding...
Battle of whats going to happen,
versus the ten thousand things that my mind can bend it to, so it won't hurt as much.

Eat my troubled fruit, sweetness of the taste will do me good

Killer song of the moment. Only due to current circumstances;
I was just thinking- Teitur
DAMN ALL THIS FREE TIME!

Candy Bars and Futurama at midnight

Tram rides, bad weather and and a tipsy mind make for a bad ride home.
I think of all things good, they are obviously what you are not able to have at that moment; otherwise you wouldn't stop to think about them.
I think of all things bad, and it never stops.

I think of you and how we walked here and there. Now you know where those places are.
I look at my candy bars which i'm to eat now and think of how you will always give me healthy advice, if not for my physique, for my mind. A constant S shape in my mind so clearly carresses your cheek to your neck and i feel i could grab on to the real you, so much the manque has become concrete.
I don't want to think, yet absence of thought leads me right back to you.

I walk out of the tram and the harsh rain has been intterupted by a warm wind so powerful i can feel it push through me and enter my veins. Close my eyes and breath in the comfort of an omnipresence i have nothing to do with and the pleasure that i can't control.

Tip of the Day: Surround Yourself with Pretty things.

Needlessly, i spent the rest of the time going to flush my brain out with very pointless activities which involved no stimuli whatsoever. Do i feel guilty about it? not really. The conscience when bathed in ignorance is little less than passively alive. Do i really know what i'm talking about half of the time? not really. The brain has peacefully faded away to numb-blurry-mode where i'm definitely only using half of it for 99% of the time. Who is to blame? a 3 month long vacation and a motivation trickling awaaay.

I realise that punctuation are man's attempt to throw some tonality into their written communication.
How are you doing?!!?!
How are you doing!
How, are, you, doing?
How are you doing?
How are you doing....
Its like a decresendo in interest and in perkiness and in volume. In another language it'd be a whole different story. I wonder how these tonalities create themselves, on which syllable we flex to let the mouth slur to the next word to reduce the speed and pitch and volume to the next word. Its so complex. Quite interesting too.

So in this nowhereland state, I ask myself, do i let myself become part of the Airhead nation of people out there? Then I reply, ofcourse not i'm a cool, hipster, intelligent, nerd-wannabe. All those pointless categories tell us is that i'm your average insecure teenager full of pointless questions while the world revolves and we still continue to screw it over.

BUT until next time! Remember our sponsor Pretty Things, tell you surround


Yourself. By it.
Buy it.

MonteGrotto, Italia

There were people.
There was food.
The Boredom was nice.
The massages were better.
The books were finished fast.
And now all i have to do is think.
Yet that tends to be dangerous

n'arg'h

Them Gerbils with the little pickaxes going away at my brain again.
Geneva clouds of steam seeping in through every pore and condensing to make me pig-like.
Air-co silent refuge from the argh-ness of moment.
Needness to surf the crimson waves is here and not for the first time feared not coming. Quadruple negatives.
Crap Music on le television encore une fois.
Wet clothes dripping in every other room as lack of clothes hanging rack is quite the stressing.
Atleast all fire causing elements have been cautiously switched OFF.
Taking care of yourself is quite tedious, really.
Train to catch at 9am tomorrow...WHipIEE.

Sushi for thought

The only reason anyone would want something perfect is so that they could have the pleasure of messing it up. Say for example you're in the bus, yes my sanctuary. And you see this perfect girl. No, not my lesbian tendancies, just that girls tend to look after their appearance more often than guys do(or that could be a strange stereotype which someone will proove me wrong on). In ANY CASE after i justify myself 100 times, you see this perfect person. They have everything in place, their hair is straightened to the perfect degree, their shirt is the right length and size and their shoes match their outfit impecably. They never make a movement out of place or heighten their voice if its not needed. This eyecandy of sweetshop heaven. So IF you were attracted to this person, wouldn't you just wanna take them home and be the one priviledged enough to mess up their hair, make them squeal in that unorderly fashion and just screw up this whole image you'd be lucky enough to engulf? I would. And as for the people out there in buses and trams who don't have this perfect image, don't you just love being the relaxed disorderly persony you are able to be?

Other than that, i realised that being good mannered is scary. Giving up your seat to that old lady, in Geneva, is harder than it should be. First of all, if you had the guts to tap them on the arm and offer them your seat, they might bluntly refuse it, and you'd sit there wondering what was wrong with you in the first place. When this doesn't hapepn, because most probably you're one of those people with such a low self esteem that you want to blend into society as quietly as possible, you're just going to sit there making excuses to yourself as to why its better you're sitting and they're standing anyways. You have a heavy bag to carry, there are many other seats they could go to, you feel sick, they're most probably getting off at the next stop, someone else next to you will be gentlemanly, old people are out to kill you etc... In conclusion, because this neat little story offers us a fantastic moral insights, as do all the other posts in this whole blog, its a hostile brutal world and for insecure people it just pushes them down in the dirt even more than they should.The brain is an evil thing that twists innocent situations intoa whole moral dilemma and giving a seat to old gramma should be as easy as ...eating...peanut butter... I say lobotomy for all! and um Vote Kerry?

Coffee Clouds in my Head

Smile on face
Heavy eyes
non existant body still in daze
Dido melting into back of brain
Airconditioner creaking as it turns
Cold air brushing against the numb leg
Infomercials on mute
the familiar on a new level
nothing moves


*2 Dreamers = a deeper plunge into reality than you ever dared

Riding a Bike

Riding a Bike, is not a simple business; it requires tact, wit and a little bit of common sense. The latter ofcourse is not needed at all times, fore that would just be undermining the cyclist. The Following Tips, will help amateur to Pro Biker and will ensure all safety and show biking at its finest. Warning, with these sure-fire tips you are GUARANTEED first place in any race.

1. Purchasing Correct Bike
So, you wanna buy a bike? Well you gotta buy one that you can sit on, there fore its needs a saddle. Without one of these, you got yourself a little problem. Unless you're using your bike for more fetishistic reasons *ahem*. Then you need to be able to reach the handles from where you are sitting. If wanted you can add pink/purple/magenta tassles to the sides of your handles to add to the "flowing" effect of your bike (Nt; very highly related to "Winning that important race"). Once you have the right size and colour (the colour is very very important, because influences not only the endurance of the bike, but whether you will win the race or not) you can hit the streets with your shiney new monstAR machine.

2. Getting on and Utilising the Bike
Now this is the tricky part. It requires coordination and a little imagination. Pretend the bike is Yak. Yes a Yak. This stubborn yak will not move until you get on it, and you tell it who is master. So you lift your leg over the yak/bike and take control of that wild beast by sitting on it. Before you agress the yak/bike, you have to quickly grab hold of its horns/handles with a sturdy grip. Okay so now you want it to move. This thing was BUILT to flllyyy. But only you can make it do so, therefore you have to just throw your feet on those hectic foot strappy thingies and be ready to roooooollllll. Beware, once you start going, you just don't want to stop. So have allocated few time set aside for this riding.

3.Winning that Important Race
Now that you have all the most useful information on handling your bike with the utter most care, you are ready to defeat the fearsome pack of cyclists. HOW? you ask. Many things must be taken into account. First you must hydrate, preferably water. And a lot so that you can use that urinating cup holder on your bike WISELY. (yes its not for a water bottle actually). During the race there will be a lot of evil enemy bikers trying to over take you but don't fret, you can conveniently scare them with a homemade bell that can be attached to handles. *shiver*"noooot the bells!!". If that fails you can always try to pedal faster than the others, but that would require full on excersise and who really wants to do that anyways. You can always camouflage your bike into air, by making it invisible, your opponents will be so baffeled by you cycling through air, you'll race through in no time (Note: in this case, urinating cup might be best left not painted in invisible ink).

COMING UP!! Sarah's FAIL PROOF tips on how to Win that Important Bike Race

Misadventures in GenevaVille

So our three brave protagonists were the only ones left in Geneva-Ville. Let me intruduce them, first the dashing blonde Serbian knight, the Brazilian snake charmeress and the female jester, troubadour, which logically am I. Hell i give you pat on the back if you have any clue who i'm talking about.
They set off on various modes of transport; the knight on the mystical blue steed which had to be fed with elixir or  today known as gas and the charmeress and I speeding at great speed on giant slithering orange dragonian monsters that electrified through the Ville. They had decided to arrive an hour early at the piece, which was to be shown at yonder Balexariata, featuring quite well respected player Guillaume Smithonia and his phatasmical futurisms about alien beings made out of bronze. Sadly, alack, and alas, all spots were taken. The Serbian knight guy was nearly in tears, the snake charmeress stood there, and i the ever welcoming jester tried to cheer the company with my ever welcoming amusements. (To be honest, I wasn't that sad, but shh don't tell the knight).
So they decided to go on the quest in search of ancient scrolls depicting other festivities, to place in the humble abode of the Serbian knight. Sadly, for some odd reason, the blue steed was not to be ridden again that adventure, because the knight had a sudden fondness for pushing his horse forwards instead of riding it. The charmeress and the jester had the lucky jobs of carrying the knights armour. They sometimes Accidentally dropping parts once or twice and throwing other parts in distant ditches, to show their fondness for this task. After miles of trudging into distant Genevan forests and marshlands, the three heros, arrived at the lair of the scrolls. Sadly, the knight did not have a subscription to that particular cave, and none of them could be bothered to pick a nice scroll. Deeply graved, they retired to their outside lair, El Parkeous. They amused themselves by telling each other amusing stories and push each other in shallow ponds, if not jumping around like monkeys and going "meep meep meep" . Oh, the times were great, and none got bored, and none complainéd, and they had a jolly merry time.

The End.

Being Cheap and Recycling Old Material

 RANDOMOSITY TEST by Me

 

INTRO

We've all seen monkeys walking down the street. But how many of us have actually started a conversation with one of them? It might seem silly, but this is the single most important reason as to why you are all...single.

TEST

1.
You're walking down the road and suddenly you see a very hot chick/guy, What are you thinking?

1. That stick on the ground arouses me

2. Man if I could have me a monkey right now
3. W00ties!
4. *blank*

2.
What do you say?
1. Hey Mama !(even if its a guy)
2. Excuse me, know where i might find me a monkey?
3. *giggle* hi *snort*
4. I shall smite thee fore thyn name isth Beezlebub

3.
You walk away content at your new conquest and go in to the local supermarket. You buy;
1. Yes
2. No

4.
After replinishing your empty stomach with that healthy food you decide to;
1. Jump in your batmobile and wear tight leaaather
2. Moonwalk back to that hot piece of Mama
3. Go to McDoodles
4. Meep!

5.
If apples are green and oranges are too, you know that;
1. apples=oranges
2. oranges taste funny when rotten
3. sour goodness
4. MeEep!

6.
What is your opinion on the general status of your mind?
1. Yes
2. No
3. Maybe
4. Ok, OK i admit; SOMETIMES

7.
Guess how many testicles Hitler had;
1. monotesticulAr
2. 2 and a half (yum YUM)
3. 3 like doctor eeevil
4. More?! ewww

8.
I have a mooonkey, I have a mooonkey lalalala and his name is;
1. Bill
2. Bob
3. Simia
4. Aapke

9.
This is a good number, 9 is very lucky, and so are;
1.Clovers
2. bad world leaders
3. bananas
4.duckies

10.
If your bf/gf saw a neon green lycra one piece in the store and your mate told you it turned them on, would you to please him or her, wear it?
1. Clothes?! ewwww
2. I'm a virgin
3. Hell yes, try to find a smaller one for my monkE
4. Man that thing is like a second skin to me

11.
The true question as to whether you're random enough for words is to ask yourself, do you REALLY think normal has any relationship to you?
1. nobody is normal, define normal first blah..blah
2. Click HERE for +99 points (muahahah)
3. Normality is relative to social conditions
4. Monkeys are pretty normal, so why can't i be?

12.
Finish the sentence, or the blanks, or both...^_^ A well rounded ___________ can give rise to a happy ___________
1. pineapple
2. circle
3. chickon
4. bussom

13.
Listen carefully. Do you hear anything?
1. the headless chickons going "peck peck" in brain
2. Bad Popular MusiK
3. My electrik toothbrush on fiaR
4. The sweet symphony of life trickling away

14.
And Finally, when lifes distractions bubble away, and you have but to think of the pure element of life, what do you think of?
1. I ownZ de elaMent
2. Bubbles! my Bubbles!
3. Why am i taking this test again?
4. Man's philosophy is barely part of the universe

RESULTS

Oh Poop, nO results. But if it makes you feel any better, you already failed BEING ALIVE HAhhahahaha *cough choke* ahem. What i diplomaticly Meant to say, is that every person is an individual and no matter how hard you try at the bullshit that lies above, you'll never be able to read my mind, so you're definitely a lucky induh vidual.

Seriously.

Back to writing being one big ball of ambiguity. Noone will ever know 100% intent behind a sentence that you write. What you write and how you write it, and how long it takes you to write it, are all influenced by what you were thinking that the moment, what was surrounding you, what you were hearing, and how many times you really thought over what you were going to write. So much of what we say is empty minded shit, it should be questionable how much of what we say should really be bothered to be said anyways.
Not enough useful conversation, maybe its Sunday, maybe its vacation, i feel boring and motivationless, not doing enough, not learning enough, not being inspired /inspiring enough today. Maybe i'm restless. With Certain people it feels as if nothing could ever said intelligent enough. Others it doesn't matter because it will just come at the wrong moments anyways. Depends how much F.A.Q you give. ( PS: Not in abbreviational sense, in onomaetopeaic "oh that sounds like a naughty word sense")

It made me go "oh. oh"- Avril Our CAnadian Buddee

Translation of the only important words  and pronounciation techniques in "Don't tell me"

By Teeny Bobber S*erA*

Xylophone faking pianoism
*Holding hands* *Kissing* oHH.. oHH *crying*
grgrgrgr fears bla bla go nye nye love guschth trust.....
giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiives it allllllllllllll awayyyyyeeaahauugunghhgghg
*Careful listen to refrain, only comes back 4 times, so be attentive*
charm arm harm unggg
MY NECK,
 ass wopping...NEVER FOGEtt
(am ) REALLLY UPSETTT
YEAH THATS WHAT I ZAAID (!!?)
THROWWWWS IT ALL AWAYYYYYY *poof*
TAIYIIAIYYIMEE
CRAIIAYAIIIAAAY
TO DO
TO SAY
WAAAGNNGGNNNYEAH
über unexpected Tonality SWITCH
AAAWAAAGNNGGNNNYEAH
(bla bla bla bla)
AlOoOOOGnne anyways *waddaya knoow*


 

If every guy bullshited like that it would be a parallel universe

Ach, the irony of it all

1. Woman who isn't paranoid
So i'm sitting there in the tram, minding my own business letting the genevan landscape catch my daydream, when SUDDENLY a woman sits infront of me. Which is all dandy because that happens quite a lot you know ;). So i'm thinking , hm, thats quite weird, she was sitting up front before. So she apparantly reads my mind, and turns around and says (in french for those of you really wanting the story to be accurate) " Yeah i'm sorry about sitting infront of you but that creep sitting over there " points " is really bugging me, he KEEPS on turning around to look at me". She turns back. Two seconds later , "Yeah some people, I'm sorry but they really are weird even though i'm sure they don't want ot be". Turns back, whipping hair in my face, turns to face me again, "No those creepy old guys I don't know what htey want from me" Same motions. "Not to be paranoid but some people really" Same motions " No but take advantage of your youth, because when you get to my age, everyyy things downhill". Continues muttering to herself.

2. No Pickpockets allowed in Geneva
Ever since i was a little girl, and aware to the existance pickpocketeurs, i new they didn't really exist. Not in Geneva at least. My friends got pickpockets, weird overtly wanting to be pickpockted tourists got pickpocketed, but they didn't really exist because in my mind i told them not to. Today one existed, he pickpocketed me in some fair thingie by the lake. Only ID card a hassle. But it doesn't really bother me. They've left me alone for 13 years. But to pick pocket me 1 month before i leave, maybe its linking to all my childhood beliefs being shattered. *sniff* tear tear

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Once Upon a Time, there was a little girl who thought she could write, but couldn't, so didn't.
The End
There should be parallels to my real life in that story but i'm too much in denial.
And if anyone was really worried out there, i'm not drunk at all, but what i have just realised these days is that my biorhythm is such that no matter how early it is, i still can't go to sleep before 1. Stupid Summer.
All lifes pleasures have been taken away from me.
Sleep- not allowed
Shopping- stupid sales force crap clothing and wrong sizes
Food- Too much available and too much time available
Males- Not present
Friends- Fun and whii but too lazy
Motivation- Yea well...
TV - *Meep*
Argh theres a bug stuck between the letters O and P on my keyboard. What to do?? if i ress the letter " " then i'll kill it :(  and if i dn't it'll lie there suffering :( cruel cruel wrlddd.
And now children, it is time for "Dix petits contes de la fermes"
Conte Une
Petit Cochon est coincé
 
Madame Dupré est fermière. Elle a deux enfants, Julie et Marc, et un chien, Caramel. Un Jour le petit  cochon avait très faim parce qu'il était coincé et confus Caramel avec un caramel. Julie et Marc aimait le jambon. Madame Dupré s'en foutait de tout le monde et se sentait skitzofrenique dans sa fèrme alors tua tout le monde avec une bombe nucleair faite maison.

~~La Fin~~
Morale: La Prochaine fois qu'une cochon se coince, mangez pas de caramels.

Yes french is fun, french is a blast but sometimes i feel it is time to kill the fun times with a bumper sticker quote "Grow Home made dope, Plant a man" (hahaha) took me about 4 reads to get it wasn't pro-stoner. Mais voilas quoi, c'est le sober state dont je suis.

I know Who You Are!

The Lamest Joke about a Duck

There was a man who had three sons. He gave each of them a duck and told them to go out and sell their duck for as much as possible.
The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.
The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.
The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I'll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said "Ok".They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I'll give you your duck back if you'll do me again.The boy agreed.While they were having sex again, the duck got loose  and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said "I'm so sorry i killed your duck. I'll give you $40 dollars to make up for it.
When the third son finally returned home, his dad asked how much he had made. He said "I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and forty bucks for a fucked up duck."

:)

Happiness is a twitching jaw because you've been smiling so much and a tingling sense in your eyes because you don't know whether to cry because you're so happy the moment happens or you're so sad that it might end. I'm sorry, but my time is now. Forever now. Quietly transient. Yes my now is screaming, screaming out to you. Sadly humans don't pass on their happiness as easily as they would want to. Sadly humans can't remember what the good times were like. But now is now is now is now. The present is now the past, yet the present is ever flowing syrupy goodness in more than just one direction. Let you have this moment once or twice or possibly always for now. Not for later, don't think of it let it hit you from behind and engulf you in a dazed trance. just be it. i'm so high on life. and you can't stop me. not now. not really. for a split second you did, but now i know not to let you. its not forever, but now is long enough to let it try to be forever.

The Elephant Man

So blogger has decided to become like so fancy its tripping my mind.

What i realise is that now i can't fake it anymore, it has to look good.

Because i have all the tools i'd ever want to make a nice looking post.

SO anyways, yesterday was fun. Can't, at this moment, remember why.

But it was. Let me think *hmm* Yeah we went bar hopping and it involved

me laughing at a lot of bad jokes both me and other people were making.

Gladly i don't think it was the alcohol as much as the good atmosphere.

Meepaliscious and lol ( said aloud, plus the cool hand movements).

Half of you don't have a clue what i'm on about but if i don't write this out,

in about a few monthes we'll never know why we laughed so hard back in the day.

The emptyness of recent days, fills me with a relaxed sense of satisfaction.

We deserve  a numbness for a while, a let go for the body before we worry about

responsbilities again.

 

 

 

 

Meep!

Oh, you don't want to tell me

In a placeless place would find me, In a heart shape come around me and
then, Melt me slowly down,


The air to this moment breathes in so good.

P.S: Deep contrasts of emotion and you just don't care

When i'm sad i eat.
Eating makes people fat.
"But how come you're fat now? You're not sad?"
Denial is a funny thing.
"But if you know you're in denial then shouldn't you loose wait due to the contradictive nature of your being?"
That is a very interesting point but *drops dead*.
"As you see it, my friends, thinking is not what the human race where set up to do"
In an alternate universe.
Moooo *eats grass*
"Moo? MOooo?"
Moo ha moo haa
"Moo blah *ten mins later* blah moo"
Mooooo *drops dead*
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo etc...

I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!!

hah

A strange sense of foreboding

too many moments, where the mind and the rational bound down, strapped down in the straight jacket of inevitability. When both constituents are subjected to this regular treatment, inability to aid the other, you get one simple solution. Laisser faire. even if it pleases neither of you, who said it was always going to? And untill the day

-Msn boxes always popping up in unsuspecting places and at ususpecting times. You are allowed to call it love. Bursting too painful to tell though.

-Going to sleep on an uneasy mind. Not advised

--Making something about yourself when you clearly have nothing to do with it and you make others more upset. Not advised

---Crying when you feel you need it. Advised

----Not being able to cry when you feel you need to. Simply life

My Romance with Mansfield Park

Edmund Bertram: Surely you and I are beyond speaking when words are clearly not enough.
~~~~~~
Fanny Price: Life seems nothing more than a quick succession of busy nothings
~~~~~~
Henry Crawford: Fanny, you have created sensations which my heart has never known before.
Fanny Price: Please.
Henry Crawford: There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.
Fanny Price: Mr. Crawford, do not speak nonsense.
Henry Crawford: Nonsense?
Fanny Price: You are such a fine speaker that I'm afraid you may actually end in convincing yourself.
Henry Crawford: Fanny. You are killing me.
Fanny Price: No man dies of love but on the stage.
~~~~~~
Edmund Bertram: There are as many forms of love as there are moments in time.

The Nutcracker instead of sight

Sight hindering backgrounds. No more awareness of the melancholic details to your sight. Take off you glasses close your eyes if you must. feeling claustrophobic because nothing can change it except for you. Oh wait you do ahve control. Well i don't because i don't want it right now.

Gibberish

little hamsters working away at my brain.
All emotion has come to a standstill long ago
Music barely moves you as you try to move to it.
The ultimate stalemate with life.
can you dwell on it some more, or will it continuously be interrupted by life?
It will be interupted by bowel movements, by needless chores, by some passing flurry of a thought.
Oh isn't it all beautiful. Sadly, actually, its the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life.

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me

Uninspired Bland Conspiracy

Weren't the three above words just long meaningless letters jumping out at you everytime a new word started with a capital? Thats what it did to me. How flat and numb words can be in certain contexts. Spoken or written.
When written there is a certain detached 3rd person outlook on the whole situation, because the person writing the words is not there to give a further explaination as to what a sentence means. It's either all there or it's not at all. The reader has to use a certain amount of guesswork to figure context, tone, voice, speaker, i mean with a basic level of logic sentences can be deciphered, but there is always a certain intimidating double edge to everything. When writing its hard to mumble, to whisper or to shout. When writing, it is easy to push through a fact but not so easy to convince.
When spoken, everything is revealed, the person's tone of voice, facial expressions and general mood is transmitted via the aural, visual, touch and aura. This too can be handicapping; with all of this information two things can go wrong. First, the person speaking can think something and say something else because of the limited time between the brain to vocal connection. Things spoken aloud are hard to take back, and often are transformed with subsequent additional sentences which are subject to quick thinking. Second, on the basis of past experience, the listener can attempt to deduce what the person is "really saying", where written academic words tend to be particularly bland personality wise, the vocal sense has a whole library of sonorities to enrich the ear with a bouquet of individuality. The speaker is immediately crucified to be saying something with a certain intention, before even having said anything.
No wonder its so easy to misunderstand...

Un Adieux a Mon Jardin

Nous nous souviendrons de ce jardin majestueux où se reposait notre maison.
Un jardin qui ne se taisait jamais, mais aussi l'endroit le plus calme au monde. Il contennait des bruits qui ne surprennait personne, mais au coin la plus obscure du cerveau, un vide crie d'un manque tellement élementaire, depuis qu'on ne les éntends plus. Ce bruit du filet de l'eau qui était le contexte à une conversation indeterminable entre des oiseaux energiques, cachés derriers ces géants verdures divines.
Au cours des années, ce jardin m'a suivi, fidel infidel; un juge silent, de rien et de tout. Quand je me baignais de joie avec mes amies, et quand je criait de déséspoire après une rupture; un panorama de vignes cascadent sur la Mt Salève me donnait tout les réponses dont j'avais besoin. Je rentrait tard des soirs au ciel clair, et je tournoyait sur place parce que l'absence de l'oeille critique de l'homme nous donne la liberté de réver publiquement. Je philosophait au sujet des étoiles et les arbres me rappellaient de leur présence en m'encadrent les morceaux les plus belles de ce ciel dont je me perdait infiniment.
Mais ces mêmes arbres se secouait delicatement sous le vent pour me dire au revoir hier; un adieux gai et limpide.
Je dois avouer que je n'ai pas profité de l'ombre sous les arbres durant les beau jours et je n'ai pas profité de l'odeur émerveillant de la terre après la pluie non plus. Hier, le dernièr jour, je n'ai pas pu inspirer le cadeau que la nature m'avait fait en seul temps. Alors j'ai arrêté de forcer des mémoires non-vecus dans ma tête, j'ai arrêté de seulement prendre tout cette beauté et a la place, je l'ai remercié...

On Fear

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread."...
"The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."
Life of Pi- Yann Martel

Boo.Hoo

But but why does everyone keep mispelling things on my bloOoOhOoog *cries*

Bloated Balloon

A cowboy hat with a moustache pfff hahahahaha.
The strangest thing happened to me today!! I flopped on the scale and instead of it saying the predicted 62 kilos it was all the way up to 64 kilos?!?!? Talk about a bad start to the day :P
Things i ate yesterday that might have caused this surprising fat gain;
4 oreo cookies
1 nacho chips with salsa
1 cheeseburger
1 bowl of pasta
1 Caiprinia with way too much sugar
... but i'm so healthy *err*
Fruit fruit fruit and veg all day. *sera whips her body back into a lower number on some machine which shows no evident shape to her body, just some gravitational pull/push that supposidly is keeping her from jumping up and never landing again...* Stupid scientists...without them! we'd still be happily gorging ourselves Medieval-style...and wearing corsets... guess thats not good either.
Good things I must do today;
-Read Book in Sun
-Be a good conversationalist
-Practice Piano
-Buy Dad a Birthday Present + Card
-Buy a pair or two of shorts
-Watch Violent Japanese movies
-Eat in moderation of ~healthy~ crap

When walking alone, nothing to do but think

And yet again my mind and eyes wander up. To see the night sky and the night stars. And metophor upon metaphors just bubble away in my mind to create extraordinary visions of something greater, something that connects more than just me to the sky.
I look up and my eyes attempt at focusing on this vast empowering blackness with its illuminating speckles. Imagine some greater-being's hand, which we shall for now call God, for god knows what reason. Hand curled round as if holding a tennis ball. And since this hand is capable all, it lets light glide down the back of it, like a sliver of silk. Untill this light just suspends at each finger tip, only to be scattered haphazardly onto a pool of black emptyness below. And these scattered specks are in suspension too, and only for one who bothers to look up, do they mean the world.
I wish i could hug one of the stars, feel its essence, what makes it live, its particular glow. Because not only am I looking up to these seemingly empty little dots. SOmeone, somewhere else, is looking up at the same time and thinking, this is what is bringing you and me together. I see the same as you, i see it all, and we are both priviledged with the same monumental view. A skyscape to be treasured and shared by all, no matter the condition.
We live our little lives independently but sometimes moments bring us closer than we'd ever realised

More Proof!

Question from a TheSpark test, in other words the true holy word of God as to why Men= Pigs ;);)

20. The mind is sexier than the body.
a)True
b)True for pigs, which are smart but ugly

So now i'm pretentious aaaay

Sunny Sun

Grazing grass
flip flopping flip flops
butterfly fluttering by

Peace and Love

as tom tries to subdue his oinking tendenacies, the worlds women shake their head in disgust at the degenerating male sex. You don't have to have a valable reason to fuck someone. Right. But you have to have some pretty twisted valable reasons to fuck around with someone's head

She said i recall that time when all went strangely into place

Ever been in a situation where it just screams awkward platony. Have been having a lot of it lately. Yet no matter how many things happen to shock me or to make me happy, it all feels so natural. A mans face being kicked in balances out with tranquil settling moments of a river flowing beneath ones spinning head. Moments of confused understanding...

Post Exam Trauma

Having Nothing serious on your mind...
This is what it feels like:
Unscathed fresh mountain water music, the backdrop to everything still, even bird's twitter infilters through to show how little you have time to worry "People rise with the sun" The timeless pond, even it, is lying back, undisturbed by the occasional dipping leaf. Not writing to make magic, making magic to write. nature is magical, it's wizard. Too bad there are no dew drop clouds, that would really make it all idyllic. The long grass finally having the time to sigh it all out, the wind caressing it for an instant to remind the field it's still alive. Just because time stops sometimes, the swallow anxiously pushes it forwards. Oh, just enjoy the moment little swallow. Swirling and barely audible trees leave their limbs to relax. Fragile ligt, softens the creamy blue sky, it peaks from distant rested mountain. Pieces of the sky try to break through the reflection of the water's face. Breezes playfully obstruct any clarity. Seriously, time could stop all day and no one would be the wiser. Concentric perfection, a replica of a replica of a replica simply doing what it was told be the Laws of Above. Little white speck absurdly scouting the swaying stalks. Little fluttersome being why does it feel i could break you with the slightest touch? I want you to make more sence, for my sake, make more sence. Lacking of much of the latter, i feel that if life's normality starts to enclose one, scream some really weird shit at it...You make it stop and think about why its chosen this chosen path. Yes, confront reality with it's flaws and pull down all the sorry victims of routine down with it. But don't kill the victims, because thats when realitys got the better of you.

This is what i feel like all the time

DIY

How to Use a Penis

So Suzie-Q, you've found a penis but you don't know how to use it. Well, lucky for you I have a penis and I have spent a good part of my life using it. The most important thing to remember is that the penis was specially designed by God to make your vagina feel good. Unfortunately, God did a shitty design job and he attached the penis to a man - so the chances of a penis making you feel good are infinitesimal.

How to Use a Vagina

Discuss NPR, how much you respect women, and keep telling her you're not interested in sex right up until the point you cum inside her. Then get the hell out and watch Monday Night Football.Do you find all this talk about vaginas too complicated? God knew you would so he created something that avoids all of this nonsense. The hand. The most important thing to remember is that the hand was specially designed by God to make your penis feel good.

The full Article-which is i have to admit quite gross

Lets shed a collective tear towards the Years of Bassamage

Yes children, no, more, history, ever again. Its been nice, its been a ball, a blast even. I threw my historical review notes away in a bin faah faaah away near the lake, it was quite the "historical moment" get it (hahahaha). Well as much as we all loathed studying for this exam, you must admit that we've had some good times.
History related (can You SPOT which fun parts of History these are relevant to?? :P);
Cats of Kilkenny, Hitler's third testicle...or did he only have one? forgot heeh, Mussolinettes, Stalin and "de boys", General Sandwich and Colonel Wellington, man this is hard i can't think of history right now...hmm... oh yeah the armys *as he waved his arms* and Trotsky *as he started to trott* the Great Leap Forward *as he jump forwards*, Lloyd George vs Boy George, and then Deng bobbed back, Mao might have killed millions but Bassam has a weak spot for him so hes definitely an idealist, Stalin was a pragmatist, now to make this very relevan comparison between Hitler and Genghis Khan, its very very important to know the difference between how Chinese is phoneticly spellt and how its been translated (as if Chinese history wasn't gonna screw you over enough, now theres two names for everyone), yet the world wars could ALSO have been known as the Second Thirty Year War, according to A. J. P. Taylor, OGPU (and as Bibi just informs me it was funny because it sounded like dog poo) *giggle*
Pure Bassam
In response to going to the bathroom, "now now, we wouldn't want puddles", as the pencil case falls "whoops there goes your brain", as one scratches ones head " checking for splinters are we?", we're getting a little off subject here but...*30 mins later* and on this very relevant tangent *30 mins later* drinngg. the ever a-la-mode sock filled sandals, the strange pen marks on his bald spot, his amusing wooden stick, the ever lasting puns, relating EVERYTHING in History to Britain, even my Historical Investigation, taking wood from the forest and carrying it on his bicycle. You want to send me an email?...what is this internet you talk of...Oh yes the history, but its all on the website! Unless its the First and the Second world which are in my books, which you can't buy but you can photocopy all 60 pages of.
The Class
Throwing Notes very very discreetely, like via a tipex pen, lol or just the cap of the tipex, or LMAO inside a pencil case. the hole puncher aka the confetti machine aka the screachy noise making machine, the "your face" at the end of every treaty, clause, or alliance eg, Your face's the Triple Alliance, your mom's the Berlin Blockade (ouchh). Playing with the Monkey pen. Now lets conjugate Anshluss, angeschlossen, angeschlüsst (only funny for those taking german and having to suffer through irregular verbs aka Shyam). Doing flirty lippy, necky thing to every male in the room, especially shyam. Putting fun pen marks on bibi-franci's neck. Pushing yasi's chair to the other end of the room. Messin' with Bibi's hair. Franci listening iPod/playing with GameBoy Advance. Amy writing 20 pages in one essay. François' using a childrens book as a source for Historical Investigation and still getting a 7 :P Sending SMS' to each other within the class which say "are you going to history today?". Ieva asking what relevance the current subject has to the IB curriculum. Bibi and her little endearments towards Bassam, "andy and I had a little coffee together at break time"....
Yeah there are tons more which i'm sure we'll be reminded of daily, until then see you next year kids when you don't even Have to take history anymore (w00t).

transported far far away

I'm a high school lover, and you're my favorite flavor.
Love is all, all my soul.
You're my playground love.
Yet my hands are shaking.
I feel my body leaning.
Time's no matter, I'm on fire
On the playground love.
You're the piece of gold,
That flushes all my soul.
Extra time, on the ground.
You're my playground love.
Anytime, anywhere,
You're my playground love.
Air-Playground Love
Stop breathing out so deeply...

Instead of Thundering Thoughts-I thought something beautiful.

Jump off that cliff into the cupped hands of air. You're too heavy for any of its support and you will gracefuly be sucked into the transparency of canopies of air. "Gracefully", well, more like a pile of organs with skin flabbering around uncontrollably.

Someone out there on your little green ozone ball, feels you falling from above and something, makes them sharply inhale and they feel as if something is sucked out of them as well.
You know that shiver you feel when music sucks it out of you, or when you get goosebumps from something exciting? Its all but an interconectivity with that person jumping off the cliff, into the unknown. Its like in Prog Rock, where they have the drums but recorded backwards. Like nothing sucked out of nothing into the concrete sound of the drum being hit. A sort of Implosion. Where does it go? It goes to the center, to the importance. Where did i see that... i think 5th element...nevermind.
Suspension, your mind suspended in air; THATS what we were going to do. We were going to jump from that cliff, and freeze time. Midway through the jump, just freeze. Inhale, Exhale. Just Stop. Suddenly air's mythical strength is regained and you have something to relax against, your heart has slowly crawled back, from its 2 meter acceleration, and has tucked itself safely in some haven of comfort called your body. From that amazingly comfortable """freefalling position just swivel too a seated position. Just Relax.
Sounds like some SwissAir or Swiss, company logo thing, well it probably is.
Feels like your relaxed-self has, by some coy marketing scheme, been thrown into some prissy business class lounge. Its all so new and shiney, no one really knows what they're doing there. I mean who the hell wants to sit in those uncomfortable blavk leather chairs and watch CNN on silent? Now that would be the waiting room to hell. Something like that at least. So midway to hell, you freeze in air, you grab a packet of peanuts and say to yourself, "Well this is quite quaint innit?" .
You Relax
Or tell yourself to, in any case it all results into joining some self help anonymous club. With you as the teacher and the only student, repeating some false mantra to yourself, that has somehow numbed your mind long enough for it to feel good about itself.Like an old record playing and skipping at the same part over and over and ooover again, the part where "ohhh babby you knoww Iii " "ohhh babby you knooww ii" scratches out, in other words never getting to the punchline but it sounds nice anyways. Punchlines are for wussies, I think the whole story of life, when told amusingly enough is waaay better than some lame assed punchline which Eeeveryone saw coming, and even when they didn't they wish they hadn't. So you're sitting midair. You look down and something tells a cloud or two to look spiritually enlightening, some brightly darkened greys and some mucky yellow-golds aquarelle its ways up to blinding light-white. Oh don't go all clichéd on me. Stop trying to excuse your lack of vocabulary with some immediate afterthought. *sarah hits her brain*. You fastforward time and freeze it just in time to lay on the cloud. Towering around you, is a whole skyscape of an excuse for poetry. Its beautiful, sure, but so transient. One moment, a wave curling over, under the weight of precariously moulded ice crystal fluff, the next, an empty vacuo of blue. Periodically speaking, the cloud will come back, yet for now I'll keep my life on pause, sit, relax and enjoy the clouds englobuled in an instance of unescapability.

Yes, Sarah does look at the sky for what it is , not just to daydream in excape of reality,because, only when one looks to really see what is there at the surface, can one really look through it and see what true beauty lies deeply embedded within. Moral of the day children.

Besides wanting or not wanting to be virgins, we all have been going through some lovely exams. All we have to remind ourselves is that selfconfidence is half of the grade and that its only 50% of the grade, so only 25% of the grade and half of that will be failed so only 12.5% of the grade and it'll be on a curve so it'll be a 7. AT THE END OF THE DAY!!! WE'RE GONNNAAA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. And yes math is killing me. Bla bla bla.
I haven't thought about a single male thing for the past 3-4 weeks. I like that, I like that something other than some bastard is dominating my thoughts. I mean i prefer having raunchy dreams at night vs crappy test failing ones, but in reality i feel like i'm doing something more constructive and important with my brain that throwing it at some "good looking" teenager. DIE. more death and a little red thing splattered on the side. Hey you wanna hear something reaally gross? Those of you who think Stephen King is scary close your eyes and read only a few sentences afterwards. Okay so in this movie "misery" right, theres this dude who is paralysed in bed and is sorta been taken hostage by this psycho fan of his. SHe goes psycho and puts a wooden block between his tow parallysed feet and takes this huge mallet and smashes his foot against the wooden block and it like totally bends and you see everything. NOw me and everyone who has been reading this is going to have nightmares. DOesn't that totally sucK?? NOthing interesting to write so go to bed!

2 Down 8 to go!!

If something beautiful, and yet inanimate, could make you orgasm, i definitely had a multiple orgasm today. I was walking down this little path that leads to my house just now. Storm clouds building up, they weren't as beautiful but it was in the air. It was all that could be smellt, aka the budding flowers, the damn concrete, the invisible coming rain that smells like water (i dunno it just does) and that together with intense greenery. But not puke your face nature crap, just a nice man made path with tall trees with bright green leaves that shine bright even during darkly clouded moments. Feel like prancing around like a goat and twirling around like a 5 yr old proud of her white dress that turns into a big poofy bell. Man, exams can be good for you in way. They make you cherish all the little things you could be doing at that moment, so much more. And yes i should be studying, but i my mind needs to rest to absorb reality for a while as well. :)
Oh yeah and for anyone who cares, the one eyed monkey is watching you. So you should care!

Why should she be the one who decides whether its off or on or on or off or on

Yeah, another day has passed and tomorrow is EXAMENESSSS *throws herself into the bottomless pit of felugila* [pronounced- Fe-lu-gi-la] [also more commonly known as not a word]
Anyways to the more interesting part of the day. Hair colours. I think University is the best excuse to do something outrageous to your hair, so I'm saying really short and magenta. But not until the second semester. Need a sanity base before everyone gives me weird looks :P But for now. Another shade of red? thats just boring. :(.

If in need to downloading an amusing song which probably applies to every second drunk Brit who's been to Ibiza, and thats ALL of you out there :P Fit and you know it, or any other song by The Streets

Midnight Madness, thoughts before eternal slumber and such

Reading through the past only to find more of the present.
Who am I kidding, an obsession that will never end.
You'll never love anyone but yourself.
And for things to remain that way you will have to kill.
How can the smallest comment make me smile this way?
Degrade me in more possible ways please.
You don't exist anyways.
You blend into a swirl of my imagination and fiction.
Nothing ever matters; its all some prefabricated game aka who are we trying to kidd?
Me I guess....

And i'll see you in my holiest dreams, baby.

(Friday night)

um, no.
How is it that horror movies and bloody action films barely make me flinch, but when 16 yr old Krouchnovina, Euro Sport star, misses that tripple backflip on the high bar and practicly rips her crotch in two, i shiver at the excruciating pain she must be feeling? Maybe its because its Re-Al-Ity.

Inside jokes- I'm gonna Rip Diss shee'
- Dog Psychologist! Dude i don't even know that much vocabulary. Dude i shouldn't know that much vocabulary.

(Saturday night)

And all i am is holding breath

Philosophy for the common peasant by Sarah
Just don't know what to do with my brain anymore. Place it in what mode? Force it to be in intelligent mode so often? Or in trivial daily stuff mode? I don't care. I don't want to know. Irrelevant feelings which i know will definitely be clearer in about 3 weeks.

Got my College housing form today. Choices of whether to be with someone, smoking or non smoking, someone who listens to polka or heavy metal, someone who brings their significant other to sleep over (and fuck?) , play music while studying, and whether to have a dorm with windows big enough to escape through incase madnes occurs from the polka/heavy metal study/fuck fest. hmmm decisions. Have i taken tetanepatitumonoclasiousinous vaccine? only 9 more to go before you are legally allowed to be shipped over to MA. But you have to be in solitary confinement for 73 hours prior to shipment in a sexy cardboard box and put together puzzle pieces of America. Northampton is a state?

Called England yesterday. fearing long unconquerable silences yet recieved more than bargained for. Can still not get over someone who actually is obsessed with the 80's. Its like having a fake leather spandex substitution fetish. Back to the Future *shiver*. I wonder if i'm easy to talk to, because i can be a really bad conversationalist. I guess it depends on what mood i am in. New people excite me so i guess thats what it was. I wonder whether superficiality will every be ovverruled by sense of humour and intelligence. I won't hatch my eggs before i've counted them.

Why does no one understand me? not in a deep, no one understands how deep my soul dwelves at times of beauty in a misunderstood world. No, just, when i speak i wish people would understand what i was saying. Is it because i jump the train of thought so often it just makes ones logic dizzy or is it because i'm too lazy to enunciate? I guess its better this way. Because if people knew everything i was saying there would be no more inside jokes with myself.