Francesco's Lesson about the "Metal's"-for all the fans out there

Q. Now, Francesco what is this thing you call "Metal"?
A.That is an interesting question you pose Sarah, I think I will have to go through some of the basics with you before you understand the TRUE ESSENTIALS of Metal;
Death metal-OUURRGHHHHHH (throaty/deep) do not wear face paint and are obviously rarely satanist. Cannibal Corpse, Abominator
Black metal (francesco's personal fav)- AGHHHHHHH (scream/high) wear face paint (heehee) can be satanist, or pagan (iow;pre christianity), very often extreme r- wing. Burzum, Mayhem, Darkthrone
Speed metal- Ahhhh (high pitched gay scream) very gay (in franci's words) dressed like faggots and sing about unicorns and butterflies. Stratovarious, Helloween
Power Metal- normal singing voice, usually sing about political concepts, often very stupid, dress with tight jeans and leather jackets with patches. Brainstorm, Centeriun
Harmonic/Symphonic/Fantasy Metal- Ahhh like Speed Metal (even gayer ?!) sing about enchated realms, dragons etc..inspired by Tolkein yay! Rhapsody, Kamelot, Sonata Artika
Grind Core - OUUURGHH but inhumanly low. either political or extremely GORE, songs 3 sec-1 min.1 CD=45/50 songs. Porn is like Grind. Anal Cunt (yes you read it) Gore Rotted, Gronibard
Thrash Metal- Very fast-paced Heavy Metal screamy lyrics, without reaching the levels of Black Metal. One of the first types of metal. Early Mettalica, KITTIE, Slayer, Testament
Viking Metal-Powerful chants. Dress like vikings with swords and armour+ the essental beards and moustaches. Bathory, Enslaved
NSBM (Nazi- Black Metal)- Black Metal but EXTREME right wing imagery and texts. Nargaroth, Nokturnal Mortum, Graveland
Ps: Hardcore must not be related to Metal since it is usual left wing and very anarchist
And to conclude this summary, I will give you my warmest congratulations on taking up this sincere interest my personal favourite "music" (very very unintended quotes) cough, and remember, "I don't care about people liking us, I want to hate and fear us" Euronymous '92 RIP