Riding a Bike

Riding a Bike, is not a simple business; it requires tact, wit and a little bit of common sense. The latter ofcourse is not needed at all times, fore that would just be undermining the cyclist. The Following Tips, will help amateur to Pro Biker and will ensure all safety and show biking at its finest. Warning, with these sure-fire tips you are GUARANTEED first place in any race.

1. Purchasing Correct Bike
So, you wanna buy a bike? Well you gotta buy one that you can sit on, there fore its needs a saddle. Without one of these, you got yourself a little problem. Unless you're using your bike for more fetishistic reasons *ahem*. Then you need to be able to reach the handles from where you are sitting. If wanted you can add pink/purple/magenta tassles to the sides of your handles to add to the "flowing" effect of your bike (Nt; very highly related to "Winning that important race"). Once you have the right size and colour (the colour is very very important, because influences not only the endurance of the bike, but whether you will win the race or not) you can hit the streets with your shiney new monstAR machine.

2. Getting on and Utilising the Bike
Now this is the tricky part. It requires coordination and a little imagination. Pretend the bike is Yak. Yes a Yak. This stubborn yak will not move until you get on it, and you tell it who is master. So you lift your leg over the yak/bike and take control of that wild beast by sitting on it. Before you agress the yak/bike, you have to quickly grab hold of its horns/handles with a sturdy grip. Okay so now you want it to move. This thing was BUILT to flllyyy. But only you can make it do so, therefore you have to just throw your feet on those hectic foot strappy thingies and be ready to roooooollllll. Beware, once you start going, you just don't want to stop. So have allocated few time set aside for this riding.

3.Winning that Important Race
Now that you have all the most useful information on handling your bike with the utter most care, you are ready to defeat the fearsome pack of cyclists. HOW? you ask. Many things must be taken into account. First you must hydrate, preferably water. And a lot so that you can use that urinating cup holder on your bike WISELY. (yes its not for a water bottle actually). During the race there will be a lot of evil enemy bikers trying to over take you but don't fret, you can conveniently scare them with a homemade bell that can be attached to handles. *shiver*"noooot the bells!!". If that fails you can always try to pedal faster than the others, but that would require full on excersise and who really wants to do that anyways. You can always camouflage your bike into air, by making it invisible, your opponents will be so baffeled by you cycling through air, you'll race through in no time (Note: in this case, urinating cup might be best left not painted in invisible ink).