Loud and quiet

The Crickets are really loud here. I try to have my usual evening walking alone thoughts, yet the crickets interrupt any chance of every saving world hunger, or imagining kissing that true beloved. Looking up at the sky here, even the sky is noisy. I hope it will all fade into the background. I can sort of understand why the whole yoga thing is more needed here.

When I actually started thinking, I started thinking about American extremes again. I assure u this is all based on many prejudices but its fun to play around with. So the Land of extremes. A lot of loud very "happy" people. When I say this i mean in appearance ofcourse. So we have happy people. But what if! yes what if! in the land of the happy, u by any chance feel sad (like i do on occasions during these think fests, for thinking is the downright fall of any ignorant teenager like meself). So, people who suddenly feel sad must now resort to going to the other extreme, becoming very anti-society. The reason people are so happy in the first place is so to ignore the more real things in life like general downfall of society (poverty, hatred etc) *cannot think at the moment because bla bla bla bla bla droning away at too loud too loud don't want to hear too nice to complain tooo tooo nice must kill myself slowly with words slowly with sharp jabbing letters into my skin tillt he brain decomposes*.

SO when a little bit of reality surfaces, these children turn to the more illegal things like mariHuANA and alKohol. Which are ofcourse illegal and adrenaline shooting. The Media ofcourse is subdueing any negative feelings from the sad people, by only showing happy shiney people, or more "sad" / "depressed" celebrities, so its like adrenaline shots for the humdrum of life.

But there is so much of it out there that it just numbs in everyones minds, then i drift off on a tangent and dream of a delicate surge of power in my mouth, that i won't feel for another 4 monthes. Slow tears warm up the face, while i gently rock forth the porch swing and try to let that sky, that in Europe let me breath crystaline air *god do i miss geneva*, sooth me but telephone pole wires slashing the view. I miss my sky. That link to you. I feel a little part of me dies here. Nothing important, just breathings a little harder. Feel like caressing the trunk of a tree. Hippy you say. But my brain zones off and I feel whatever is left of me intertwines through and around the tree, and i want to breath out fully and let go into the arms of this tree. Close my eyes and drift off against this tree. Which tree you ask? The one which is settling its roots into both of us, slowly grappling on into our insides, slowly stabilising itslelf, through all the noise through all the nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya, a single note of clarity, a single movement of settling strength. If i told you all what really was bothing me, you'd understand. If i told you all what the noise really was, you'd understand what i allude to. But i keep a wall, a wall of generality so my flowerly words speak to all and speak to none. They do the opposite of the similar. They...just...just...i don't know just scratch my brain away and let me be weightless in your arms. One kiss, just one, i think i might cry again and again and again over and over and over and over. Its the devil from within sprouting its wings to without. I need shelter. The neverending shelter of a home of comfort and privacy i need to cry i need to scream i need nothing more just...quiet. Blissful silence. Breathing in and out. Deep breaths. So close. oh so close again for always.