Run me down

And then I feel like the world is going to fall away.
Sore eyes and sneezed up nose. I try not to enhale the bad Chinese
In the fridge, it is melting away into the side of the door, my back cripple
To simplify life past yoga techniques or anything sensible.

Listening to romantic portugese music. It doesn’t feel like the right kind of music
But we do not download here at Smith, therefore we have the one song our boyfriend
Has sent us.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Strange strange movie. I feel inspired to write
A little nothingness about life, because its meaning is so hidden yet so clear. I want to dye my hair a thousand and one colours to be as crazy and Kate Winslet. But must rememeber to be myself. Remember to be myself. I watch too many movies in this place. I eat too much bad food in this place. Slack off too much. Complain too much. Too much fucking estrogen. Too much to choke u in ur sleep so you die and then reincarnate into sushi to be eaten by more full college students who don’t need the food but eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. I eat, look in the mirror, and I don’t really think its all too bad. I have no sickness, maybe I should develop a shade of a complex so as to motivate some healthy ingestion. HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Need
Live Testosterone sent my way. Need to have useful things in my life. Need to take up a passion. I play no piano, I hear music live, I want to cry, I want to play it, but I’m a fucking lazy bastard.
I love a boy who is not in the same country as me, I don’t know if it will work, I don’t know if it won’t, I just like how it is. But missing is hard at midnight, its too hard toooooo hard. I don’t even want to think about it, but I have to, to keep me sane. I need to find a solution to every problem, need to make sense out of life need to help myself to help others need to live life.
Oh god.
Are you there?
I (L) Huckabees. Pretty philosophical, lost the point of the movie midway, waaay to existentially uniform for me. I like every day events which become magical, not magic that becomes every day events…I think. I don’t mind making magic, but I’ll always know they were only every day events.
I think the boyfriend is gorgeous, in his quiet way he seems to have his life all deceivingly sorted. I really really want blue hair now. God why do I obsess over something I’m never going to do…
Am I Happy?
Waiting for something is good, but when u wait for something to come in 4 years time which you’re not sure is going to come, is it worth it? I want to think so. I want love to prevail in a beautifully epic way. I want to have love sweep me into a dream for the next 4 years, I want it all don’t i.
They say making love is a meeting of the infinities for the ultimate connection. They say making love is seeing nirvana for a split second. They say that it is becoming one. They say a lot of things. I just think making love is, well I’m not really sure, it’s a lot of things, but I suppose in 2 words, it’s a blinding transparency.
In a sentence it’s the universe shooting up your back, spinal cord, neck, brain, and nestling within everything right, but only glowing within if true love is felt.
The ultimate experience is only felt within then eyes and the spirit of your true “other”.