Carry On

So i went to New York. It was a quick succession of busy nothings behind a mind constantly loaded with an overflow of what if's and oh my god's. The sun shone. It was busy, fast, geometric, bright grey, international yet oh so american, a café wanting to be french wanting to be american wanting to be stylish wanting to be rustic wanting to taste good wanting to be rich to look poor. It was the replica of Europe's altered memory. It was mindblowing yet there was so much concrete. Everything plastered with a sense of not enough time to spare, not enough life to live. It was beautiful even in its ugly neglected concrete. It was New York.

Then there was my other. Through a lot of miscommunication and second guessing, we met. First looks were curious, the words were all automatic autopilot so as to give the emotions time to land again. Walking through a massive city with someone you have never met before. Relying on their sense of direction. It didn't occur to me but it was probably the most exhilarating meeting I will ever have in my life. Central Park through the eyes of my memoried 12 yr old self, my present 1950's postcard 18yr old self, and through the soft playful nostalgic gaze of my other. The stars talking to the ducks in the pond, and the ducks talking to us, showing off the magestic trail of skimming water behind them. Neverending car ride, nebula of not knowing edged somewhere in the constant, i belong here feeling. I belong in a lot of other places too, but here i belong with constant reassurance, with a never faltering reassurance, Sarah you belong here. Not on some interstate highway, not in some car, just this soul sitting on the chair of this mind caressing this heart.