meep

Found some TLC on my I-tunes (my current god when it comes to music). I had a sudden flash back to middle school dances. Listening to Unpretty, it occured to me that i never really felt unpretty, no matter how many times i was rejected at those school dances. I embittered myself towards the male sex a little but never to myself. I wonder why. What I did recall was how it was really important a week before the dance was coming up, to loose weight. As if we were going to loose anything in 1 week and as if it made a difference. We talked about fun superficial things like what we were going to wear and what make up we were going to apply 2 weeks in advance to prepare for feeling shiney the night of. We got ourselves all hyped up for the dance. I remember loving to dance. I still love to dance. I remember really wanting the slow dances to come up to see if i would dare to tell my friend to tell a friend to tell a friend to ask [boy's name] to dance with me. I wasn't rejected too much in 5th grade because my wrath towards boys hadn't developed yet. As the years in middle school accumulated, certain boys became more and more evil. And those were usually the ones I had a crush on (what do you know). I wasn't really picky back then, I must have had a crush on every second boy. And usually more than one at a time.
And heres me reading the Last Temptation of Christ. The priorities have evolved just a little. Haven't danced much lately though. I did not meet my boyfriend as a result of trying to loose weight either. Not entirely swayed by peer pressure yet not entirely independent, I'm on the constant search for a non existant middle ground. I still like to paint my fingernails though.