And i don't know if you're alive

On Saturday I came very close to a dead guy.
It was quite the event because in the span of 30 minutes i see my first heart attack, first paramedics, and first electroshocky thing, first dead guy? I'll never know if he died.
Standing there shock induced i thought of a number of things. They're all pretty typical life vs death and don't die mr man thoughts. What did other people think? thats more important.
Female friends.
nonchalance, had doctor relatives or dead gym teachers
Male friends.
Philosophise about the unexpectancy of the day.
Mom
Learn CPR do something usefull Sarah! you could have saved that mans life.
Oh ok mom.
Me
It was in a café. A swirl of unreal parallel psychosis. My mind has already forgotten about the incident, yet engrained in me is some higher knowledge of being close to the edge of life. The moment where all spills into something so unreal your mind can't take the paramedics laughing at a joke while injecting some life bringing corzak prandeziak or something, sun shining outside with busy consumers, and something so much more about to end. The background music playing some strange Blink 182 song, or some Muse and life and death were according themselves to the ups and downs to rock music that lives in my reality. half dead heart attackees don't live in my reality. My mind is trying to make the connection, but instead the waiter asks me if i'm okay. Yea, i'm not the dying one. His name is Stan, the half dead guy. Hes 85. His time to go? I don't think so. Not really. I mean only two seconds ago he was debating whether Microsoft should own the world. Stiring his cappuchino, squinting his furry eyebrows at his italian mate. No. I don't agree with death like that. Can't do anything about it. But i just don't see the reality in it.