Why Belgian people are OH so cool

well first of all i wouldn't know, because i'm not a "real belgian". Im not a real anything, so i'll just fake it. Until they ask me what my name is in dutch and I start stuttering. Yes through the whole 2 syllables. Then i'll pretend i hate the dutch for a little while, just so i fit into the "belgian mold". then you realise you're not belgian in the first place you can kill any pride you had during the Euro Song Festival and agree that dutch ppl are pretty shizzie as well. Then you realise that everyone who speak dutch speaks english , and probably better than you. Which sucks. Because you can stand up for nothing any more because what you should belong to, knows your stuff better than you can fake it. (ahh!). Then you realise that you should be practising your dutch but noone wants to listen to your mistakes and your ohh so much wittier in english anyways. So you speak english and you get to hear their cute accents in english as they can't pronounce the th, and say d for dat or long words like ditch come out like ditdds (heeh)(or Eh?)
Anyhoo. I had fun. pretending to be as belgian as i could, remaining part of the identity i knew i had somewhere in me " sniff" yes beautiful sob story i know. Like the train who knew he could. or something. Now remember children, belgium is a very important country, one day we will TAKE OVER THE WORLD! with the penguins.